Surviving Liberalism During the Holidays: A 12-Step Program

By John W. Lillpop

Surviving liberalism and the holidays without drugs and alcohol can be a formidable task. Mind you, it is possible, provided one has a strong recovery program and a vast right wing conspiracy to lean on for moral support.

The 12-step program for Liberals Anonymous (LA) follows:

Step 1: Admitted to being powerless over insane, illogical, and anti-American thinking spawned by liberalism which has made America unmanageable.

Step 2: Came to believe that a power greater than the combined forces of the DNC and the mainstream media could restore sanity to America.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of social and fiscal conservatives for restoration of traditional family values and common decency.

4. Made a searching and fearless inventory of all liberals who must be removed from office, or prevented from securing elective office.

5. Admitted to ourselves and, everyone else who would listen, the exact nature of wrongs committed by liberals.

6. Were entirely ready to have conservative candidates remove all defective characters (liberals) from political office.

7. Humbly worked to remove liberals from elective offices in all local, state, and federal jurisdictions.

8. Made a list of all American patriot groups harmed by liberals and became willing to make amends to them all by:

* Winning the war on terror;
* Lowering taxes;
* Outlawing abortion;
* Restoring prayer in public schools;
* Amending the U.S. Constitution to reflect the fact that marriage is a holy sacrament between one man and one woman only, and to repeal the 16th Amendment;
* Outlawing deficit spending and gun control;
* Ending affirmative action, diversity training, and PC brainwashing;
* Pulling the plug on wasteful programs dealing with non-existent global warming;
* Making English Only the law of the land;
* Reversing all decisions by activist judges which forbid public displays of the nativity scene, Christmas trees,the Ten Commandments, the Cross and other symbols of Christianity;
* Dissolving the Department of Education and replacing it with the Department of Home Schooling;
* Eliminating welfare and food stamp programs;
* Reinstating the death penalty, including execution methods which cause condemned killers to suffer great and long-lasting pain;
* Nominating only conservative judges whom have been vetted by Supreme Court Justices Thomas and Scalia;
* Securing the southern border with 160,000 armed troops;
* Invading Mexico and seizing that nation’s oil to compensate American taxpayers for public services stolen by 38 million Mexican illegal aliens squatting in the U.S.; and
* Reversing illegal immigration through mass deportations.

9. Made direct amends to all such patriot groups wherever possible, except when to do so would cause them to register and or vote for Democrats.

10. Continued to take inventory of all liberals and when they were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through talk radio and blogging to improve public acceptance of conservative values as we understand them, and to improve our conscious contact with eligible voters everywhere, seeking only to win the White House and conservative majorities in both chambers of the U.S. Congress in order to have the power to advance the conservative vision for America.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to all legal voters, and to practice these conservative principles in all our affairs.

To those too weak to adhere to this simple program, LA recommends that the suffering liberal either take up smoking or excessive eating until the urge to think like a liberal passes.

Remember, even though liberalism is a severe mental disorder, it too shall pass!

Sheep In Wolf's Clothing Panders To Queen B (Rhymes With Witch!)

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Anyone who expected Wolf Blitzer to actually hold Hillary Clinton accountable for her weasel words, flip flopping, and outright lies must have been bitterly disappointed during the debate from Las Vegas on Thursday night.

Blitzer treated the senator from New York as though she had already stolen the election and was looking to hire a Jewish press secretary combination moderator to keep peace between herself and Slick Willie in the White House.

Someone with the ability to dodge impertinent questions and the occasional ashtray hurled at Slick with equal grace.

Blitzer exposed his bias before the debates started by fawning over the Queen B, rhymes with witch. Asking the Queen B for her autograph was a dead giveaway that Blitzer was bound and determined to live up to his reputation as a lap dog for the Clinton News Network.

Under the pro-Hillary pandering executed by Wolf Blitzer, there were no piercing questions about the Queen B’s flip flopping over the issue of driver’s licenses for invading criminals. No tough questions or follow up questions were allowed, or even considered, with Wolf in charge of the doings.

Proof of Blitzer’s complete cave in came from a senior Clintonista who said this about Wolf: ‘He was outstanding, and did not gang up like Russert did in Philadelphia. He avoided the personal attacks, remained professional and ran the best debate so far.’

Or to put it in terms not quite as politically correct, Blitzer was a complete sell out to the B, and was really a sheep in Wolf’s clothing!

Hillary Reacts To Eliot Spitzer's Reversal on Licenses for Illegal Aliens

Hillary Reacts To Eliot Spitzer’s Reversal on Licenses for Illegal Aliens  

 Satire by John W. Lillpop

Just as Hillary Clinton and her campaign staff were putting the final touches on her non-answers, half- answers, and outright lies for the Thursday debate in Las Vegas, the breaking news came roaring at them: Governor Eliot Spitzer had just ‘pulled a Hillary’ by flip flopping on the issue of licenses for illegal aliens.

Here:

Never at a loss to deal with any contingency, Hillary’s team immediately shifted into “spin” cycle and issued the following press release:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE FROM THE OFFICE OF SENATOR CLINTON:

“As I indicated in response to Tim Russert’s misleading question during the last debate, I understand why Governor Spitzer took the actions that he did.

“I did not say that I agree, or disagree, with the governor. It’s just that I understand why he acted.

“Above all else, I believe that the entire issue is the fault of the Bush administration for failing to implement comprehensive immigration reform.

“Which is not to say that I believe comprehensive reform is, or is not, necessarily a good thing. Illegal immigration is a very complex issue that needs to be studied extensively, rather than answered in a 30-second sound bite.

“As the greatest president in U.S. history, to date that is, once famously said, ‘It depends of what the definition of is is.’

“Which is not to say that I agree, or disagree, with Slick Willie, which is what Chelsea and I call the former president, among other things.

“Is Is is also a very complex question that needs study rather than a hasty answer.

“Which is not to say that I agree, or disagree, with hasty answers.

“The bottom line is that until schizophrenic voters make up damn their minds on illegal aliens in a way that can be measured in a low risk campaign poll, my position will remain fluid and flexible in order to effectively identify and respond to the desires of the American people.

“Which is not to say that I actually give a tinker’s dam about what the unwashed masses think or desire!”

Executed in Good Faith and Rare Candor,

Senator Hillary Clinton

Oklahoma! Where Illegal Means ILLEGAL!

By John Lillpop

As of November 1, 2007, Oklahoma is the beacon of light and hope for those seeking escape from liberal-begotten insanity when it comes to illegal aliens.

That is so because U.S. District Judge James H. Payne denied a request for a Preliminary Injunction against H.B. 1804, Oklahoma’s common sense bill for dealing with the out-of-control invasion by illegal aliens.

As a result, H.B. 1804 is now the law of the land in Oklahoma. Let the self-deportations and state-assisted deportations begin!

Are you listening Eliot Spitzer and Hillary Clinton?

During the Democrat debate on October 30, Mrs. Clinton was asked her view on Governor Spitzer’s idiotic deal to give driver’s licenses to illegal aliens.

Clinton replied by asking, ” What is the governor supposed to do? He is dealing with a serious problem.”

Answer: What part of ILLEGAL do you and Prince Eliot not understand, Hillary?

Enforce the damned law!

As a former prosecutor and now the top law enforcement official in the state of New York, Governor Spitzer should be leading the charge to demand that ICE round up and deport illegal aliens, instead of licensing criminals to drive.

Enforce the damned law, Eliot!

Perhaps Governor Spitzer and Senator Clinton should visit the great state of Oklahoma to discover just how the rule of law and a passion for serving the interests of American citizens can be combined to mitigate the cancer of illegal immigration.

Hint, hint: If one is serious about stopping and reversing illegal invasions, one does not reward invaders with driver’s licenses, public services and other perks paid for by taxpayers!

Enforce the damned law, Governor Spitzer and Senator Clinton!

But will H.B. 1804 work?

The answer is provided by the Rev. Miguel Rivera, president of the National Coalition of Latino Clergy and Christian Leaders, who said the following:

“I know 25,000 or more of my Latino people have been afraid and they have left this state.”

Although Rivera did not mention the fact that those leaving were illegal aliens, the point is obvious: H.B. 1804 was working perfectly even before it officially became law!

A message to all elected representatives and senators in the U.S. Congress, President Bush, and the people’s servants in the several states:

Americans want enforcement of U.S. borders and existing immigration laws, not amnesty or a path to citizenship for invaders.

In other words, let’s do as they do in Oklahoma:

Enforce the damn laws!

Comprehende?

Halloween In Washington

Halloween is a terrific time to party and let go. But wouldn’t it be even more fun if politicians were required to dress in accordance with their public images for a change?

Contemplate the following halloween images:

George Bush As He Sees Himself

George Bush As the Rest of the World Sees Him

 

Dennis Kucinich’s Night Job and Transport

         

 Dick Cheney: Looking for a Lawyer 
Nancy Pelosi: Edith Bunker

Bill Richardson: Vicente Fox

Ann Coulter: Golda Meir

Bill Clinton: Anti-terrorist Cop

Ted Kennedy: As himself!

Hillary Clinton: Fighting global warming!

Democrats Campaigning for the Muslim Vote

Muslims As the Religion of Peace!

Speaker Pelosi's Fake News Conference

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Egged on by the success of FEMA in staging a fake, yet believable, news conference to spin the California wildfires, Speaker Pelosi held an impromptu fake press conference of her own this afternoon to discuss her tenure as speaker.

Pelosi used three administrative assistants from her office, designated as FR1, 2, and 3, to pose as reporters during the charade. The transcript of the Pelosi fake press conference follows, unedited.

Speaker Pelosi:

Good afternoon and welcome to this impromptu press conference which I am happy to hold in order to keep Americans informed as to the business of the people. Thanks to each of you for coming. I will start by taking questions.

FR 1, please.

FR1:

Speaker Pelosi the latest polling numbers suggest that the American people are not happy with the work of the Congress or the president. In fact, only 11 percent of those polled give Congress passing marks.

May I have your reaction?

Speaker Pelosi:

That is an excellent question FR1, and let me start by pointing out that that 11 percent is an aggregate measurement that includes the U.S. Senate. We believe that were it not for the Senate, that the House would be shining in those polls.

Secondly, the polls include Republican members. Again, we believe that the Republicans are a heavy drain on the public perception of Congress; without them, the overall numbers would be much better.

Of course, we expect to build substantially on our majority in the 2008 election. When we have more Democrats in both chambers, you will see dramatic improvements in the polls.

Speaker Pelosi:

FR2. Did I see your hand raised?

FR2:

Speaker, the Democrats were elected largely to end the war in Iraq and bring the troops home. But since Democrats took over, the number of troops in Iraq has actually increased because of the surge.

In addition, the overall situation seems to be improving with less American deaths and a sense that the war might actually be winnable.

Are the Democrats prepared to accept defeat if America wins in Iraq?

Speaker Pelosi:

Great question. The fact is that we Democrats have made it known far and wide that we want timelines for leaving Iraq, that we want to stop the fighting as soon as possible, and that we favor diplomacy, or talking, over bullets.

Chat not shrapnel, is the slogan that I have come up with but have not yet applied to copyright.

Look, we Democrats believe that the situation is getting better in Iraq precisely because of our actions here at home. The enemy has heard the voice of reason coming from this side of the aisle and they know that peace is very attainable.

That is why the violence has ebbed in Iraq.

As far as accepting defeat, there will be no defeat if Democrats win both chambers and the White House 12 months from now.

FR3? This will be the last question.

FR3:

Madam Speaker, your home state was devastated by wildfires this past week. Huge property losses with more than 1800 structures destroyed and one million people displaced at one point.

What do you believe caused these awful wildfires and how do you feel FEMA handled the crisis?

Speaker Pelosi:

It has been an awful week. My heart goes out to all those Conservative Republican millionaires who lost their mansions this past week. We will see just how small they want government to be now that they need a handout and federal aid! What happened to their precious Jesus this week?

But I digress. Actually, I think Senators Reid and Boxer hit the nail on the head when they pointed out that the fires started because of global warming and continued unabated because our National Guard resources are being wasted on George Bush’s folly in Iraq.

Simply put, California is burning while Bush fiddles 8,000 miles from home!

As to the FEMA performance, I am highly distressed by the news that they actually staged a fake news conference in order to manipulate the news. What an outrage!

That wraps it up. Thanks once again for coming.

(Thinking the mike was dead, Speaker Pelosi continues: I believe it is FR2’s turn to pick up the pizza and beer. See you three in my hotel room in an hour!)

Read Our Lips: NO New Amnesty!

By John W. Lillpop

To Harry Reid, most Democrats, all RINOs, and President George Bush:

We the people understand that the U.S. Senate is considering yet another idiotic attempt to grant amnesty to upwards of 38 million illegal aliens who have invaded the sovereign nation known as the United States.

With all due respect to the Majority Leader and other pro-amnesty colleagues, what Part of NO NEW AMNESTY do you not understand?

For the benefit of slow learners and those in denial, let us reiterate why the majority of Americans everywhere, from all political persuasions, are against amnesty for the criminals who have invaded America:

In short, we the people are:

FED UP with plans to merge the United States into a North American alliance with Canada and Mexico. Such a plan would destroy American sovereignty and is totally unacceptable.

FED UP with the refusal of the federal government to secure our borders at time of war.

FED UP when armed Mexicans illegally cross our borders and assault Americans, yet our government takes no action, and refuses to even protest.

FED UP when Americans defending the U.S. from drug smuggling illegal aliens are sent to federal prison, while invading criminals are to be forgiven via amnesty for violating our borders and laws.

FED UP with the fact that upwards of 38 million illegal aliens are currently in America, and cost taxpayers hundreds of billions of dollars every year.

FED UP with a president who orders 160,000 young Americans into harm’s way thousands of miles from home, but who refuses to secure America.

FED UP with politicians who refuse to enforce immigration laws and who claim it is “impossible” to deport criminals here illegally.

FED UP with illegal aliens who can not and/or will not speak English.

FED UP with taxpayer dollars being wasted to print documents in foreign languages.

FED UP with illegal aliens who dump their medical bills on the backs of U.S. taxpayers, but who send $30-40 billion a year back to Mexico each year.

FED UP with the fact that providing free medical services to illegal aliens drives hospitals out of business, making those facilities unavailable to American citizens for whom the medical centers were intended.

FED UP with our schools being invaded by non-English speaking children who impede the learning process of students who genuinely belong here.

FED UP with the fact that federal, state, and local penal systems are overrun by illegal aliens, again costing taxpayers billions each year.

FED UP with the fact that, on average, illegal aliens kill 12 Americans every day.

FED UP with the fact that the overwhelming majority of felony crimes being investigated in Los Angeles have been committed by illegals from Mexico.

FED UP with politicians who refuse to round up and deport millions of illegal aliens who are destroying American culture and language.

FED UP with politicians who pamper illegal aliens with driver’s licenses and free public services, which encourage even more invaders to come to America.

FED UP with the attempted Mexicanization of America. Mexico is a third- world slum, and we are FED UP with those who want America to be like Mexico!

Finally, Mr. President and members of the U.S. Congress, we the people are FED UP with those who consistently work on behalf of illegal aliens and the state of Mexico, and against the interests of the American people!

Please do not underestimate the dissatisfaction and rage swelling in the hearts of patriotic Americans on this vital issue.

We the people DEMAND our great country back!

Read Our Lips: NO NEW AMNESTY

Hillary Clinton Turns 60

Satire By John W. Lillpop

On Friday Hillary Clinton will reach a major milestone in her life: She will turn 60 years old.

Of course, no one can know of a certainty but the following seems a reasonable guess as to what Hillary will be wishing for on her 60th birthday:

Endorsement of Barack Obama by the Nation of Islam, Louis Farrakhan, OJ Simpson, and Michael Vick.

John Edwards sued for $100 million dollars by physicians driven out of medicine by corrupt ambulance chasers/attorneys. Negative publicity forces Edwards to quit the 2008 presidential campaign.

Al Gore arrested for burning hundreds of boxes of “Albert Gore, 43rd President of the United States” letterhead on a no burn day, a felony known to cause global warming. Subsequently forced to return his Oscar and Nobel Peace Prize.

Slick Willie contracts an untreatable and mysterious strain of impotency that leaves him unable to perform sexually, except with her.

Rose Law Firm burns to the ground in a massive fire of suspicious origin. All records pertaining to Hillary’s employment at Rose are destroyed.

Norman Hsu and Sandy Berger suffer unexpected, untimely and suspiciously similar deaths.

Rudy Giuliani arrested for diverting that $10 million dollar check from Saudi Prince Saudi Prince Alwaleed bin Talal into his personal checking account for the 2008 campaign.

Matt Romney found to have more co-wives than Slick Willie has bimbos, past and present. Hillary laughs out loud when musing about what might have been if Slick had been a sex addict and Mormon.

Files containing extremely damaging information about Mike Huckabee’s personal foibles in Arkansas miraculously survive the Rose Law Firm fire, and end up in Hillary’s hands for safe keeping the night before the fire.

Monica Lewinski dies unexpectedly in circumstances eerily similar to those surrounding the mysterious deaths of Norman Hsu and Sandy Berger.

Fred Thompson falls asleep during Republican debate. No one notices except 100 million voters watching on television.

Chinese dishwashers and Latino illegal aliens advised to postpone learning English until after the 2008 election to avoid lies and propaganda from Republicans who hate yellow and brown people, especially those who speak English.

Private security firm reports that domestic spying apparatus at White House can be upgraded to include bimbo alarms and motion detectors/video cameras in that little room so special to Slick Willie and Monica.

Happy 60th, Hillary!

More Newsworthy: Oprah's Thyroid Or Ellen's Iggy?

Satire by John W. Lillpop

With all due respect to those who decide what is newsworthy and what is not, many of the stories making the editor’s cut these days do not seem particularly compelling.

For instance, why is Oprah Winfrey’s thyroid a major story?

Mind you, I appreciate the fact that Oprah is an icon to oodles of free loaders who survive on junk food and booze purchased with welfare money. And I am not oblivious to Oprah’s ongoing struggle with weight.

Count me among those who sincerely hope that treating her wonky thyroid will make Oprah sexy and skinny. Again.

But to be perfectly honest, I suspect that Oprah is acting out on her addiction to Twinkies. Again.

By now, the queen of television surely must know that 30-40 Twinkies a day add up quickly. Throw in a half dozen cheesy pizzas, and before you know it the world has 20 extra superflous pounds of Oprah to contend with.

But are Oprah’s weight and thyroid problems really the stuff of which relevant news stories are crafted?

Then we have the heartbreaking story of Ellen DeGeneres and her dog Iggy. Iggy is the canine pest that Ellen rescued from Mutts and Moms, a pet adoption agency.

Poor Ellen cared so deeply for this pooch that she gave the damn thing to her hairdresser in order to soothe her cats who found Iggy to be a royal pain in the tush.

However, Mutts and Moms found Ellen’s unauthorized transfer of Iggy to be in violation of her adoption contract, several amendments to the U.S. Constitution, and a Canine Bill of Rights currently being debated in the Democrat-controlled California state legislature.

As a result, local police halted their hunt for murderers and kidnappers long enough to remove Iggy from Ellen’s scalawag hairdresser. Mutts and Moms then assigned Iggy to a new owner.

How did DeGeneres react to the news that her beloved Iggy was no longer with family?

Using her national television show as a bully pulpit, Ellen demonstrated her love for Iggy with a live, hour-long crying jag. In high definition.

From the intensity of Ellen’s meltdown, one would have thought that Mutts and Moms had sentenced the helpless Iggy to the sole care of Michael Vick. For obedience training.

But even as adorable as Iggy is, was Ellen’s bawling hysteria really worthy of headlines from sea to shining sea?

From my perspective, both Oprah’s thyroid and Ellen’s Iggy should have taken a back seat to these headlines:

President Bush Meets Dalai Lama, Comes Out Against World War 111

President Putin Meets With Iran’s Ahmadinejad, Comes Out Against Bush and Threatens World War 111

Speaker Pelosi Fails in Attempt to Goad Turkey Into Invading Iraq Over 92-year Old Genocide

Religion of Peace Activists Celebrate Bhutto Return to Pakistan, 135 Die

Rep. Stark’s Head Explodes on Floor of U.S. House, Bush Faulted

Shocker from Creator of Harry Potter: Dumbledore Gay, Voldermort a Homophobic Conservative White Christian

Rush Limbaugh Uses Reid Letter to Help Fund Iraq War

Don Imus Overcomes Objections from Al Sharpton, Other Nappy Headed Ho’s, Returns to Radio

Well, what do you think? Should I pursue a new career as a news editor?

Or should I continue to grovel in abject poverty?

El Rushbo Uses Letter from Useful Idiots to Help U.S. Troops

 

By John W. Lillpop

Harry Reid and forty of the most fervently anti-American Democrats in the history of the U.S. Senate tried their level best to embarrass conservative talk show icon Rush Limbaugh, while simultaneously promoting themselves as guardian angels overlooking U.S. troops.

Democrats actually working on behalf of American troops? Don’t be absurd!

Remember that just last summer, Harry Reid declared the war in Iraq “lost.” Why in the world would a patriotic, intelligent leader who really gives a damn about U.S. troops concede defeat with 160,000 Americans troops still on the ground and in harm’s way?

Where is your concern for the young American men and women who literally face death every day in Iraq, Senator Reid? How do you suppose your reckless and thoughtless remarks impacted those courageous troops on the ground 8,000 miles from home?

Clearly, Reid’s “war is lost” rant was programmed to discredit President Bush and the surge. And troop morale be damned!

Undercutting troop morale during time of war is an act of treason and should have lead to the immediate arrest of Reid.

Once the Majority Leader had been handcuffed and jettisoned off Capitol Hill, the insufferable fool should have been banished to a dingy cell at Guantanamo Bay, given a copy of the Quaran and a prayer rug, and fed the same food provided all other terrorists.

A special election in Nevada to replace the unhinged leftist should have been called once a conservative Republican who could win was found and vetted.

But with Democrats in charge, U.S. troops are little more than political pawns with which to embarrass the Bush administration and to pacify anti-war activists on the extreme far left.

Which brings us to the latest fiasco from Reid and crew.

Because of Democrats’ association with the likes of MoveOn.org in waging partisan assaults on General Petreaus, voters are starting to realize that the current crop of liberals is an undesirable reincarnation of anti-war dunderheads from the days of George McGovern and Jane Fonda.

Desperate to avoid such unflattering comparisons, Reid and the gang decided to re-market themselves as patriotic warriors with a passion for defending U.S. troops.

In order to achieve their mission, Reid found it necessary to lie about and misrepresent the most pro-troop figure in the history of the American media: The honorable and ever patriotic Rush Limbaugh.

Thus, 40 senate Democrats joined Reid in signing a letter to Clear Channel Communication, Inc., expressing an idiotic complaint about excessive use of free speech by Rush Limbaugh.

The Democrat missive boils down to a fundamental idea central to the new fascism that is the Democrat majority. Namely, liberals are all for free speech, except when it comes to conservatives.

However, in a delicious twist of irony, Rush Limbaugh turned the tables on the rascals by auctioning off the original letter on eBay and by using the proceeds to help U.S. troops.

Reid’s historic testament to idiocy and treason sold for a record $2.1 million, which Rush Limbaugh will match from his own pocket.

Thus, over $4 million will go to the Marine Corps-Law Enforcement Foundation, which provides scholarships to children of Marines or federal law enforcement personnel who were killed while serving their country.

Perhaps those 41 Democrats should pass the hat among theyselves and match Rush’s $4 million with funds from their own pockets?

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