By John W. Lillpop

Americans have learned that using the words Bush and intelligence in the same sentence may be grammatically correct, but inadvisable nonetheless. The latest news about Bush, World War 111, and the most recent intelligence from Iran certainly bear that out.

Back in October, President Bush rattled U.S. sabers and much of the world by announcing the final legacy item for his remaining time in office: Execution of World War 111, based on W’s nightmares about Iran owning a nuclear weapon.

Unfortunately for this lame, dumb president, whatever credibility he had was demolished with the declassification of a national intelligence estimate (NIE) which stated that Iran has not been pursuing nuclear weapons development for the past four years.

Here:

Unlike pronouncements emanating from W, the NIE was based on intelligence gleaned from 16 American agencies charged with unearthing and reporting actual facts.

How to explain the disparity between what W says and the NIE?

One possible answer is that until last week, the NIE was classified. Of course being the stickler that he is for national security, W would never reveal classified information, especially when such information failed to support a major foreign policy position of the president.

Better to promote World War 111 and hope that the intelligence catches up, right W?

Americans who love this nation are anxiously counting the days, hours and minutes until this president leaves office on January 20, 2009.

The big question: Can our republic survive 13 more months of W?

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Say what you like about Islamofascists, one thing is quite clear: These seventh century tyrants are consistently outrageous, and dangerously so.

Consider the recent mayhem from Saudi Arabia, America’s middle east “ally” and personal favorite of all American presidents, past and present, named Bush.

An unidentified woman in that pathetic kingdom was sentenced to prison and 200 lashes for an unforgivable violation of Sharia moral law. *

Her offense? She was gang raped by seven men who kidnapped her at knifepoint.

Of course she was to blame for the assault because she wore sexy clothing, used provocative body language, and had the audacity to be alone in an automobile with a male to whom she was not related.

Even feminist extremist Gloria Aldright would be hard pressed to defend a woman with such indecent behavior in her dossier.

Still, one cannot help but wonder why the Saudi government has not seen fit to apply an ax to the neck of the offending rape victim for her indiscretions?

Perhaps King Abdullah is growing soft in his old age, and now considers a jail term and 200 lashes a more appropriate punishment for anyone reckless enough to be the victim of gang rape?

Or maybe Dubya exerted his influence and advised the King to give the scalawag tart a break? Bend a little and think compassionate conservatism?

Knowing Dubya, he probably cautioned the King against any garish abuse of power that would alienate women voters and keep them from driving to the polls.

The fact that Saudi women are not allowed to vote or drive must have escaped Dubya’s legacy-obsessed mind.

Not to be outdone by an impotent old King from Saudi Arabia, thousands of Sudanese, many armed with knives and clubs, marched in Khartoum to demand the execution of a British teacher convicted of insulting Islam.

Gillian Gibbons is the British teacher who earned the wrath of Sudanese Muslims for an act so unseemly one hesitates to even discuss it in a family venue.

Her offense? Gillian Gibbons deliberately, and with malice, allowed students in her to class to name a Teddy Bear “Muhammad.” **

Of all the bloody cheek!

How dare this twisted Brit demean Allah, the prophet, and the “Religion of Peace” with such disgusting behavior?

Of course, Gibbons deserves the ax for her sacrilegious impropriety.

In fact, because of the gravity of her sins, Gibbons should sentenced to extraordinarily cruel and unusual punishment, which is NOT lethal injection in Islam.

A just punishment in Islam would be: Gibbons should be gang raped in Saudi Arabia, after which she should be returned to Sudan and beheaded!

Now that would be the most logical rendering of Sharia law.

All of which should cause Christians to rejoice in the fact that Sharia law was not in place in Bethlehem more than 2,000 years ago.

How do you suppose Islamofascists would have reacted to an unmarried virgin named Mary giving birth to a Jewish child come to save the world?

* Here: http://www.smh.com.au/news/world/rape-victim-committed-adultery-saudi-arabia/2007/11/25/1195925651975.html

** BREIT: http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D8T83I300&show_article=1

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Just how kooky is San Francisco?  The short answer: Think Nancy Pelosi.

In most civilized communities, Nancy Pelosi would be strapped to a padded cell and given insulin treatment every hour, shock therapy every two hours. For security purposes, she would be banned from stepping foot in any local, state or federal government building for any purpose whatsoever, except to execute documents needed to effect her permanent and irrevocable deportation to India or Pakistan.

But this is San Francisco, nut ball capitol of the civilized world. A place so bizarre that Nancy Pelosi is regarded as a hero, and is reelected time and time again.

Remember that voters in San Francisco made it possible for Pelosi to be within an irregular heartbeat and justifiable impeachment of moving into the Oval Office.

Try saying President Nancy Pelosi twice without a barf bag at the ready!

Still, Nancy Pelosi is not alone in her goofy politics and liberalism bordering on outright insanity. San Francisco’s Mayor Gavin Newsom, in conspiracy with the San Francisco Board of Supervisors, have also made history by using Sesame Street as their model in shaping the City Charter.

Among the more egregious decisions by San Francisco elected officials are the following dillies:

* Sanctioned same sex marriages despite state law and a voter mandate.

* Refused to allow the USS Iowa to dock in San Francisco waters.

* Attempted to prevent the world famous Blue Angels from performing.

* Censored conservative radio talk show Michael Savage.

* Tried to convert dog poop into electrical power.

* Approved ID cards for illegal aliens.

And just in time for Christmas, the Lords of Folly are considering a ban on fireplaces.

SF Gate:

Fireplaces are considered a global warming threat here, even though most family hearths are rarely fired up more than three or four times a year, and then normally only for family photos and videos.

Still, making headlines in the war on global warming is more important than fact, science, or other bothersome details to politicians who share Nancy Pelosi’s outrageous political perspective and bias.

As they say, “Only In San Francisco.”

To which one can gratefully add, “Thank God!”

Satire by John W. Lillpop

With the illegal immigration debate heating up once again, I expect President Bush to jump into the fray by taking more of a leadership role.

In fact, I fully expect that Bush will deliver a nationwide television address on the subject. That address will probably go something like this:

My Fellow Amerimexans:

Americans have always been known as a compassionate, caring people. Newcomers appreciate our hospitable and warm ways, especially when we welcome them with open arms, open hearts, and free health care, education, and food stamps.

At the same time, we are a nation dedicated to the rule of law. Without law and order, no civilized society can hope to survive.

It is America’s unwavering commitment to law and order that brings me before you tonight.

As most of you know, there are approximately 30 million aliens in our midst who have who crossed the Mexican border without some of the paperwork that bureaucrats are so fond of.

With very few exceptions, these undocumented people are good hearted, hard working folks who came to America only to pursue the most prized possession on earth: A stake in the American Dream.

Unfortunately, because of rampant vigilantism in people calling themselves Minutemen and others calling themselves conservative Republicans, millions of innocent, undocumented folks have been forced to live in the shadows, afraid to partake fully of all we have to offer.

This tragic injustice must not be allowed to continue.

Accordingly, I have decided to restore law and order to America by pardoning all those here illegally.

Just moments ago, I signed Executive Order “Uno Pardonade,” which confers full citizenship on anyone who can prove his or her illegal status and who can also speak Mexican.

With just my signature, this most divisive, gut-wrenching issue has been resolved. Peacefully.

The rule of law is once again an honored tenet of American governance.

By the way, this is NOT amnesty. Please remember that America is a nation that operates under the rule of law. Amnesty has no place in our great nation.

I am fully aware that some of my fellow Americans will be unhappy with my decision, and some will even resist the changes I have outlined.

To those vigilante-like dissidents, I say: Your views do not count. All that matters is what the president wants—-and that just happens to be yours truly.

In anticipation of irresponsible behavior by some in response to my act of compassionate conservatism, I have ordered the Pentagon to begin immediate redeployment of 50,000 brave American men and women from Iraq.

These American heroes will be assigned to the Mexican border, charged with the responsibility to escort and assure safe passage for illegal aliens coming to join us.

This will be called “Operation Help Felipe.” Although it is a military operation, I expect these 50,000 American patriots to show professional restraint at all times.

Thus, the use of force is expressly forbidden, except as needed to quash out-of-control Minutemen or, even more dangerous, wild characters like Tom Tancredo or Duncan Hunter.

Finally, as your president, I want to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you in that 29 percent of Americans whom still trust me. I assume that my actions tonight will help restore some stability to my approval ratings.

I am also betting that 30 million emancipated Mexicans will cause a nice “bump” in those polls.

Thank you for listening.

Good evening, and God Bless Mexico—err, make that God Bless America!

President George W. Bush

By John W. Lillpop

First it was Tony Blair, the affable Brit whom Americans like because he actually speaks English the old fashioned way–correctly!

Mr. Blair was an ally of W–some cynics say he was more of a lap dog– through thick and thin until the British people pounded Blair for such poor judgment when it comes to associates. They do have a point, you know.

Next it was American Republican senators and house members who paid the price in 2006. Supporting W and his idiotic immigration reform scheme, among other issues, rankled a lot of voters who unwisely elected Democrats to replace RINOs.

That is rather like replacing the rats infesting one’s home with poisonous spiders and snakes. Not a step in the right direction, say what?

Now comes word from down under that John Howard has joined the ranks of politicians smitten for being loyal to W. Again, the good people of Australia have a point, at least when it comes to rejecting anyone who follows the leadership of that dimwitted dyslexic cowboy whom we are obligated to call president for another fourteen dreary months.

http://apnews.myway.com/article/20071124/D8T42OMG0.html

Still, there may be hope in 2008 if W endorses an enemy of America like Rudy or Hillary to take over his spot on the throne. With the curse of W to contend with, no politician stands a chance, which is exactly what Rudy and Hillary both deserve!

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Goreism is a newly discovered disease that impairs one’s judgment, dulls the senses, and replaces rational thought with leftist pap. Known in old school medicine as liberalism, Goreism is actually far more potent and aggressive than the garden-variety version of leftist insanity.

This deadly disease is especially prevalent among science-challenged liberals looking for a way to wipe out capitalism, Christianity, and Democracy, and replace said vices with socialism, godlessness, and fascism, all in one foul swoop.

Those wishing to spread Goreism throughout the globe have found a new and intriguing way to implement their mindless mantra. They have convinced otherwise normal woman to abandon natural maternal instincts in order to prevent damage to earth’s eco-system.

In other words, some women are refusing to have babies because doing so could lead to global warming!

Note, please, that the Gorettes have not tried to push abstinence down anyone’s throat. Big Al may be crazy, but he is not stupid!

An example of Goreism at it’s worst can be found in a young woman by the name of Toni Vernelli who fell victim to the disease several years ago. Her tragic affliction caused Vernelli to abort a pregnancy and, ultimately, to undergo sterilization.

Vernelli justified her action by saying, “Having children is selfish. It’s all about maintaining your genetic line at the expense of the planet.”

“Every person who is born uses more food, more water, more land, more fossil fuels, more trees and produces more rubbish, more pollution, more greenhouse gases, and adds to the problem of over-population,” she added.

Daily Mail:

Out of this macabre mindset there is a some wonderfully good news: To date, Goreism afflicts only liberals, lending hope to the notion that those who choose to be childless will be radical feminists, unfit for motherhood to begin with.

With any luck, this “Not In My Womb” self-righteous insanity will spread like wildfire to the illegal alien community, mothers on welfare, and other enemies of America.

Say, I wonder if there is any way to make Goreism retroactive?

The article linked below was authored by Dan Howard, a great American from Oklahoma and Founder of the patriotic web site titled, “Outraged Patriots.” Dan has been instrumental in waking residents of Oklahoma to the illegal alien crisis in that state.

Newswithviews:

John W. Lillpop

By John W. Lillpop

It is scandalous enough that George W. Bush has refused to secure America’s borders and enforce U.S. immigration laws during time of war, said malfeasance leading to millions of illegal aliens stealing public services from American taxpayers and hastening the decline of the world’s sole superpower into a third world abyss.

Of equal outrage is the fact that this administration also refuses to protect the American people from tainted and dangerous products imported from China. This further abdication of constitutional responsibility should seal Bush’s legacy as the “worst President” in U.S. history.

Because of Bush’s neglect, the American people have been victimized by tainted foods, dangerous toys, fake drugs, poison-coated fish and cosmetics, pesticide-laden mushrooms, toothpaste, bad pet food and other downright hazardous products imported from China.

While federal bureaucrats look the other way when it comes to invading criminals from Mexico and health/ life threatening products from China, state and local jurisdictions forge ahead with rules and regulations that could result in the fascist Nannyfication of America.

Example: New York city bureaucrats now aggressively regulate trans fats and other dangerous products in fast foods.

Yet your federal government, after amassing $9,000,000,000 (nine trillion) in debt, cannot protect America’s children from toys or jewelry containing lead, which can lead to learning and behavioral problems and even, at high levels, death. Said toys imported from China.

Another example: Leftist nut cases in the San Francisco Bay Area now employ “butt police” to enforce non-smoking laws in one’s car, and even on private property.

But no one in government seems to give a damn about the harm that bad toothpaste from China can cause.

How is it that our elected officials are obsessed with the tiniest details when it comes to individual choices and private behavior, while at the same time ignoring the toxic products that come to America from abroad?

Does the term “Paid in China” ring a bell?

Satire By John w. Lillpop

Years ago, it came to pass that I discovered that those obligatory family gatherings on big holidays can be more hazardous to one’s health than smoking.

Therefore, being of sound mind and addicted to tobacco, I did the prudent thing: Gave up the family gatherings and kept the smokes!

Thirty years and one less lung later, I now realize that giving the Bird to family on Dead Turkey Day may be a ball at the time, but can lead to unintended consequences. Like being written out of a rich aunt’s will, for example.

Caution: My comments about family should not be misinterpreted as anti-social in any way.

I genuinely love each and every member of my family and am more than happy to attend important events like funerals. All that I require is sufficient advance notice (ten day minimum), round trip first class fare, lodging in a VIP suite in a five-star hotel with HBO and wet bar room service, and airport limousine service to and from my castle in San Jose, California. Important: Please include a $50.00 tip for the limo driver for each leg of the trip.

Meet those conditions and I will be there with a fresh orchid in my lapel and an appropriately sorrowful look on my face to mourn one less Lillpop polluting the planet.

But please do not ask me to be a pallbearer. With 38 million illegal aliens in the nation, the least my family can do is to find six sober ones (illegals, that is) to carry Uncle Heathen to his eternal resting-place.

Compensate said illegals with a six pack of the best Mexican import beer one can buy at the nearest 7-11. Important note 2: Do NOT hand out the beer until after dear uncle has been safely laid to rest, or his remains may end up in a Tijuana prison along with six drunken Mexican pall bearers and a sleazy madam from the local bar scene.

Holiday tradition has always been vital in my family and has been the “glue” that keeps us together.

For instance, immediately after receiving a Christmas card from a friend or family member, and upon verification of the authenticity of the handwriting, I send out a like-priced card to the sender. I enclose a Flash drive with an Excel spread sheet that lists all of my color preferences and sizes for clothing, and an inventory of all home appliances and electronics (televisions, home sound systems, etc.) with year of purchase, current condition, and dimensions.

A new tradition has been added this year: A “COD Gifts Not Accepted” footnote has been added to the Excel spread sheet.

Another time-honored tradition: An estranged sister has a burning lump of coal fired through her living room window at midnight every Christmas eve. This is my way of helping the poor and stupid stay warm–in keeping with the spirit of the season.

My favorite tradition involves my ex-wife. When Thanksgiving is hosted at my home, I tell the women in attendance to ignore the dirty dishes, greasy cooking pans and spilled food. I tell them I will personally take care of the mess.

Once the crowd has been ushered out, I invite the ex to bring her Brillo pads, pot scrubbers, 409 spray and mop for a quiet evening by the fire. While she cleans the kitchen and dining room, I nap by the fire.

Once the kitchen has been released by the Board of Health, the ex I and top off the evening with our most memorable tradition: We fight for several hours.

It is all quite touching, really. But it is a family tradition that I would not trade for anything.

Except, that is, for a holiday spent strapped to a water board at Guantánamo!