10 Steps to Understanding Liberal Thinking

Satire By John W. Lillpop

The liberal brain does not collect and process information in a logical, reasonable, and objective manner. Rather, liberal thinking is dominated by an obsession with power, and use of that power to preserve elitist advantages.

This distorted perspective makes it very difficult to understand exactly how liberals think without advanced training in Abnormal Psychology.

Nonetheless, the following non-technical summary should be useful to lay people.

How liberals think on 10 major issues of the day:

1. The U.S. Constitution Is Unconstitutional

According to liberal dogma, the Declaration of Independence, U.S. Constitution, and Bill of Rights are unconstitutional because all were crafted by an exclusive conclave of white male Christians.

Women, Hispanics, African-Americans, Asians, gays, lesbians, transsexuals, the handicapped, Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, and the blind were all under represented, if at all.

Because of this devastating lack of diversity, the Constitution must be regarded as a “living document,” subject to change in accordance with ever changing demographics and contemporary values.

2. Free Speech

Freedom of speech must never be quashed, except for criticism directed at minorities and sensitive constituencies of the Democrat party.

Burning Old Glory is protected free speech, whereas expressions of conservative values by people like Rush Limbaugh and Michael Savage are unacceptable “hate speech,” which must be subjected to “fairness” censoring by the federal government.

3. Abortion, the Death Penalty and Assisted Suicide

On issues of life and death, liberals are especially vulnerable to tripping on their own hypocritical double talk.

Namely:

A woman’s right to abort the life of an innocent child is inalienable; whereas execution of a convicted killer is cruel, unusual & barbaric.

Starving a helpless victim like Terri Schaivo to death is acceptable; but using lethal injection to end the life of a brutal killer is not.

4. Religion

Religious faith and belief in God are outdated pagan concepts, which do more harm than good. Sophisticated citizens can rely on the Democrat party for support from cradle to grave, obviating the need to rely on beliefs and rituals long since debunked.

Symbols of Christianity such as the Ten Commandments, the Cross, Christmas trees, nativity scenes, and the like must be hidden from public view so as to offend no one.

Publicly wishing a friend or family member “Merry Christmas” is clearly an act of civil disobedience and unconstitutional.

While Christianity is to be suppressed at all costs, Islam must be openly promoted in the name of religious awareness, sensitivity and tolerance.

The separation of state and government applies fully when dealing with Christianity or Judaism, but is irrelevant with regard to Islam and all other religions.

Delivery of Christmas cards and gifts by the United States Postal Service is an unconstitutional violation of state-religion separation and must end immediately.

5. Taxes

Leveling the playing field between haves and have-nots is the most important function of government, even more critical than national security.

To support that objective, no government role is more essential than levying and collecting taxes, otherwise known as redistribution of wealth.

Tax cuts are wrong when returned to people who actually paid taxes, but are perfectly fine when sent to those who paid none.

Although most liberals deny that Jesus even lived, many use the quote in Matthew 22:21, “Render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s…” to justify higher taxes.

Paying taxes is the “Christian Conservative” thing to do!

6. Marriage and Same-Sex Issues

The traditional American family consisting of one man and one woman is just one of several possible arrangements, all of which are equally moral and acceptable.

Marriage is no longer necessary to sanctify man-woman relationships.

Although the institution of marriage is no longer vital to heterosexual partners, it is absolutely essential that same-sex couples be allowed to marry. To deny them that basic right is discriminatory, immoral, unfair, and clearly unconstitutional.

7 Racism, Diversity and Affirmative Action

Liberals believe that discrimination based on race or gender is wrong. Except when waged against Caucasian men, in which case it is mandated by law and called Affirmative Action.

“Our Diversity Is our Greatest Strength” is the liberal pledge of allegiance to socialism.

Enforcing U.S. borders and immigration laws, including deportation of illegal aliens, is wrong because it targets Hispanics, obviously based on racial profiling.

Those who support English as the official language of America are racists. But those who prefer Spanish and other foreign languages over English are not because of the inherent value of diversity.

Conservatives who seek to preserve American language and culture are bigoted hate mongers, whereas new immigrants, including illegal aliens, must be allowed to maintain and celebrate their cultural heritage at all costs, even if it interferes with assimilation into mainstream America.

8. Preserving the American Dream for Working Class Americans

According to liberal propaganda, they are the only hope for American families, notwithstanding the fact that Democrats support the influx of millions of illegal aliens who work for lower wages and without benefits, and drive down the standard of living for working families.

Skyrocketing gasoline prices devastate working American families, but protecting Alaskan wild life is a greater priority.

Businesses are oppressive institutions that must not be allowed to become too large and powerful. By contrast, government creates wealth & happiness and should be expanded whenever possible.

Outsourcing of American jobs to foreign nations is driven by immoral corporate greed.

By contrast, open borders and amnesty are acceptable because most illegal aliens are future Democrats.

Huge profits are obscene and un-American, except when enjoyed by Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, George Soros, Oprah Winfrey, Ted Turner, Teddy Kennedy, and other liberals.

9. Global Warming, the Environment, and Energy Independence

According to liberal technocrats like Al Gore, Nancy Pelosi, Katie Couric, and Dennis Kucinich, global warming is a greater threat to the health and well being of humanity than the war on terror.

Some liberal extremists even think that the colors of the American flag should be changed to green, white, and blue so as to reflect the importance of the environment to our nation, while simultaneously deleting the color red, which symbolizes blood shed in illegal wars waged by Bushes 41 and 43.

10. Use of Military Force, Invading Foreign Nations

Military force must never be used, except when needed to advance interests not vital to the United States, or to obscure a Democrat president’s sexual misconduct in the Oval Office.

Invading a foreign nation is wrong, except when aliens from Mexico invade America.

Understanding liberal thinking is probably more trouble than it is worth. The more prudent action would be to take all necessary steps to assure that liberals are not elected or reelected to political office.

Hate Christmas and Fireplaces? Welcome to San Francisco!

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Just how kooky is San Francisco?  The short answer: Think Nancy Pelosi.

In most civilized communities, Nancy Pelosi would be strapped to a padded cell and given insulin treatment every hour, shock therapy every two hours. For security purposes, she would be banned from stepping foot in any local, state or federal government building for any purpose whatsoever, except to execute documents needed to effect her permanent and irrevocable deportation to India or Pakistan.

But this is San Francisco, nut ball capitol of the civilized world. A place so bizarre that Nancy Pelosi is regarded as a hero, and is reelected time and time again.

Remember that voters in San Francisco made it possible for Pelosi to be within an irregular heartbeat and justifiable impeachment of moving into the Oval Office.

Try saying President Nancy Pelosi twice without a barf bag at the ready!

Still, Nancy Pelosi is not alone in her goofy politics and liberalism bordering on outright insanity. San Francisco’s Mayor Gavin Newsom, in conspiracy with the San Francisco Board of Supervisors, have also made history by using Sesame Street as their model in shaping the City Charter.

Among the more egregious decisions by San Francisco elected officials are the following dillies:

* Sanctioned same sex marriages despite state law and a voter mandate.

* Refused to allow the USS Iowa to dock in San Francisco waters.

* Attempted to prevent the world famous Blue Angels from performing.

* Censored conservative radio talk show Michael Savage.

* Tried to convert dog poop into electrical power.

* Approved ID cards for illegal aliens.

And just in time for Christmas, the Lords of Folly are considering a ban on fireplaces.

SF Gate:

Fireplaces are considered a global warming threat here, even though most family hearths are rarely fired up more than three or four times a year, and then normally only for family photos and videos.

Still, making headlines in the war on global warming is more important than fact, science, or other bothersome details to politicians who share Nancy Pelosi’s outrageous political perspective and bias.

As they say, “Only In San Francisco.”

To which one can gratefully add, “Thank God!”

Dubya Restores Rule of Law With Executive Order

Satire by John W. Lillpop

With the illegal immigration debate heating up once again, I expect President Bush to jump into the fray by taking more of a leadership role.

In fact, I fully expect that Bush will deliver a nationwide television address on the subject. That address will probably go something like this:

My Fellow Amerimexans:

Americans have always been known as a compassionate, caring people. Newcomers appreciate our hospitable and warm ways, especially when we welcome them with open arms, open hearts, and free health care, education, and food stamps.

At the same time, we are a nation dedicated to the rule of law. Without law and order, no civilized society can hope to survive.

It is America’s unwavering commitment to law and order that brings me before you tonight.

As most of you know, there are approximately 30 million aliens in our midst who have who crossed the Mexican border without some of the paperwork that bureaucrats are so fond of.

With very few exceptions, these undocumented people are good hearted, hard working folks who came to America only to pursue the most prized possession on earth: A stake in the American Dream.

Unfortunately, because of rampant vigilantism in people calling themselves Minutemen and others calling themselves conservative Republicans, millions of innocent, undocumented folks have been forced to live in the shadows, afraid to partake fully of all we have to offer.

This tragic injustice must not be allowed to continue.

Accordingly, I have decided to restore law and order to America by pardoning all those here illegally.

Just moments ago, I signed Executive Order “Uno Pardonade,” which confers full citizenship on anyone who can prove his or her illegal status and who can also speak Mexican.

With just my signature, this most divisive, gut-wrenching issue has been resolved. Peacefully.

The rule of law is once again an honored tenet of American governance.

By the way, this is NOT amnesty. Please remember that America is a nation that operates under the rule of law. Amnesty has no place in our great nation.

I am fully aware that some of my fellow Americans will be unhappy with my decision, and some will even resist the changes I have outlined.

To those vigilante-like dissidents, I say: Your views do not count. All that matters is what the president wants—-and that just happens to be yours truly.

In anticipation of irresponsible behavior by some in response to my act of compassionate conservatism, I have ordered the Pentagon to begin immediate redeployment of 50,000 brave American men and women from Iraq.

These American heroes will be assigned to the Mexican border, charged with the responsibility to escort and assure safe passage for illegal aliens coming to join us.

This will be called “Operation Help Felipe.” Although it is a military operation, I expect these 50,000 American patriots to show professional restraint at all times.

Thus, the use of force is expressly forbidden, except as needed to quash out-of-control Minutemen or, even more dangerous, wild characters like Tom Tancredo or Duncan Hunter.

Finally, as your president, I want to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you in that 29 percent of Americans whom still trust me. I assume that my actions tonight will help restore some stability to my approval ratings.

I am also betting that 30 million emancipated Mexicans will cause a nice “bump” in those polls.

Thank you for listening.

Good evening, and God Bless Mexico—err, make that God Bless America!

President George W. Bush

Being Associated With W Can Be Hazardous!

By John W. Lillpop

First it was Tony Blair, the affable Brit whom Americans like because he actually speaks English the old fashioned way–correctly!

Mr. Blair was an ally of W–some cynics say he was more of a lap dog– through thick and thin until the British people pounded Blair for such poor judgment when it comes to associates. They do have a point, you know.

Next it was American Republican senators and house members who paid the price in 2006. Supporting W and his idiotic immigration reform scheme, among other issues, rankled a lot of voters who unwisely elected Democrats to replace RINOs.

That is rather like replacing the rats infesting one’s home with poisonous spiders and snakes. Not a step in the right direction, say what?

Now comes word from down under that John Howard has joined the ranks of politicians smitten for being loyal to W. Again, the good people of Australia have a point, at least when it comes to rejecting anyone who follows the leadership of that dimwitted dyslexic cowboy whom we are obligated to call president for another fourteen dreary months.

http://apnews.myway.com/article/20071124/D8T42OMG0.html

Still, there may be hope in 2008 if W endorses an enemy of America like Rudy or Hillary to take over his spot on the throne. With the curse of W to contend with, no politician stands a chance, which is exactly what Rudy and Hillary both deserve!

'Not In My Womb" New Battle Cry of Environmental Extremists

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Goreism is a newly discovered disease that impairs one’s judgment, dulls the senses, and replaces rational thought with leftist pap. Known in old school medicine as liberalism, Goreism is actually far more potent and aggressive than the garden-variety version of leftist insanity.

This deadly disease is especially prevalent among science-challenged liberals looking for a way to wipe out capitalism, Christianity, and Democracy, and replace said vices with socialism, godlessness, and fascism, all in one foul swoop.

Those wishing to spread Goreism throughout the globe have found a new and intriguing way to implement their mindless mantra. They have convinced otherwise normal woman to abandon natural maternal instincts in order to prevent damage to earth’s eco-system.

In other words, some women are refusing to have babies because doing so could lead to global warming!

Note, please, that the Gorettes have not tried to push abstinence down anyone’s throat. Big Al may be crazy, but he is not stupid!

An example of Goreism at it’s worst can be found in a young woman by the name of Toni Vernelli who fell victim to the disease several years ago. Her tragic affliction caused Vernelli to abort a pregnancy and, ultimately, to undergo sterilization.

Vernelli justified her action by saying, “Having children is selfish. It’s all about maintaining your genetic line at the expense of the planet.”

“Every person who is born uses more food, more water, more land, more fossil fuels, more trees and produces more rubbish, more pollution, more greenhouse gases, and adds to the problem of over-population,” she added.

Daily Mail:

Out of this macabre mindset there is a some wonderfully good news: To date, Goreism afflicts only liberals, lending hope to the notion that those who choose to be childless will be radical feminists, unfit for motherhood to begin with.

With any luck, this “Not In My Womb” self-righteous insanity will spread like wildfire to the illegal alien community, mothers on welfare, and other enemies of America.

Say, I wonder if there is any way to make Goreism retroactive?

Bush Pardons Turkeys, Eagles Remain Caged

  

The article linked below was authored by Dan Howard, a great American from Oklahoma and Founder of the patriotic web site titled, “Outraged Patriots.” Dan has been instrumental in waking residents of Oklahoma to the illegal alien crisis in that state.

Newswithviews:

John W. Lillpop

Caution: Was Your Holiday Turkey Made in China?

By John W. Lillpop

It is scandalous enough that George W. Bush has refused to secure America’s borders and enforce U.S. immigration laws during time of war, said malfeasance leading to millions of illegal aliens stealing public services from American taxpayers and hastening the decline of the world’s sole superpower into a third world abyss.

Of equal outrage is the fact that this administration also refuses to protect the American people from tainted and dangerous products imported from China. This further abdication of constitutional responsibility should seal Bush’s legacy as the “worst President” in U.S. history.

Because of Bush’s neglect, the American people have been victimized by tainted foods, dangerous toys, fake drugs, poison-coated fish and cosmetics, pesticide-laden mushrooms, toothpaste, bad pet food and other downright hazardous products imported from China.

While federal bureaucrats look the other way when it comes to invading criminals from Mexico and health/ life threatening products from China, state and local jurisdictions forge ahead with rules and regulations that could result in the fascist Nannyfication of America.

Example: New York city bureaucrats now aggressively regulate trans fats and other dangerous products in fast foods.

Yet your federal government, after amassing $9,000,000,000 (nine trillion) in debt, cannot protect America’s children from toys or jewelry containing lead, which can lead to learning and behavioral problems and even, at high levels, death. Said toys imported from China.

Another example: Leftist nut cases in the San Francisco Bay Area now employ “butt police” to enforce non-smoking laws in one’s car, and even on private property.

But no one in government seems to give a damn about the harm that bad toothpaste from China can cause.

How is it that our elected officials are obsessed with the tiniest details when it comes to individual choices and private behavior, while at the same time ignoring the toxic products that come to America from abroad?

Does the term “Paid in China” ring a bell?

Family Holiday Gatherings: Joyous Occasions, Or Subtle Torture?

 

Satire By John w. Lillpop

Years ago, it came to pass that I discovered that those obligatory family gatherings on big holidays can be more hazardous to one’s health than smoking.

Therefore, being of sound mind and addicted to tobacco, I did the prudent thing: Gave up the family gatherings and kept the smokes!

Thirty years and one less lung later, I now realize that giving the Bird to family on Dead Turkey Day may be a ball at the time, but can lead to unintended consequences. Like being written out of a rich aunt’s will, for example.

Caution: My comments about family should not be misinterpreted as anti-social in any way.

I genuinely love each and every member of my family and am more than happy to attend important events like funerals. All that I require is sufficient advance notice (ten day minimum), round trip first class fare, lodging in a VIP suite in a five-star hotel with HBO and wet bar room service, and airport limousine service to and from my castle in San Jose, California. Important: Please include a $50.00 tip for the limo driver for each leg of the trip.

Meet those conditions and I will be there with a fresh orchid in my lapel and an appropriately sorrowful look on my face to mourn one less Lillpop polluting the planet.

But please do not ask me to be a pallbearer. With 38 million illegal aliens in the nation, the least my family can do is to find six sober ones (illegals, that is) to carry Uncle Heathen to his eternal resting-place.

Compensate said illegals with a six pack of the best Mexican import beer one can buy at the nearest 7-11. Important note 2: Do NOT hand out the beer until after dear uncle has been safely laid to rest, or his remains may end up in a Tijuana prison along with six drunken Mexican pall bearers and a sleazy madam from the local bar scene.

Holiday tradition has always been vital in my family and has been the “glue” that keeps us together.

For instance, immediately after receiving a Christmas card from a friend or family member, and upon verification of the authenticity of the handwriting, I send out a like-priced card to the sender. I enclose a Flash drive with an Excel spread sheet that lists all of my color preferences and sizes for clothing, and an inventory of all home appliances and electronics (televisions, home sound systems, etc.) with year of purchase, current condition, and dimensions.

A new tradition has been added this year: A “COD Gifts Not Accepted” footnote has been added to the Excel spread sheet.

Another time-honored tradition: An estranged sister has a burning lump of coal fired through her living room window at midnight every Christmas eve. This is my way of helping the poor and stupid stay warm–in keeping with the spirit of the season.

My favorite tradition involves my ex-wife. When Thanksgiving is hosted at my home, I tell the women in attendance to ignore the dirty dishes, greasy cooking pans and spilled food. I tell them I will personally take care of the mess.

Once the crowd has been ushered out, I invite the ex to bring her Brillo pads, pot scrubbers, 409 spray and mop for a quiet evening by the fire. While she cleans the kitchen and dining room, I nap by the fire.

Once the kitchen has been released by the Board of Health, the ex I and top off the evening with our most memorable tradition: We fight for several hours.

It is all quite touching, really. But it is a family tradition that I would not trade for anything.

Except, that is, for a holiday spent strapped to a water board at Guantánamo!

Surviving Liberalism During the Holidays: A 12-Step Program

By John W. Lillpop

Surviving liberalism and the holidays without drugs and alcohol can be a formidable task. Mind you, it is possible, provided one has a strong recovery program and a vast right wing conspiracy to lean on for moral support.

The 12-step program for Liberals Anonymous (LA) follows:

Step 1: Admitted to being powerless over insane, illogical, and anti-American thinking spawned by liberalism which has made America unmanageable.

Step 2: Came to believe that a power greater than the combined forces of the DNC and the mainstream media could restore sanity to America.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of social and fiscal conservatives for restoration of traditional family values and common decency.

4. Made a searching and fearless inventory of all liberals who must be removed from office, or prevented from securing elective office.

5. Admitted to ourselves and, everyone else who would listen, the exact nature of wrongs committed by liberals.

6. Were entirely ready to have conservative candidates remove all defective characters (liberals) from political office.

7. Humbly worked to remove liberals from elective offices in all local, state, and federal jurisdictions.

8. Made a list of all American patriot groups harmed by liberals and became willing to make amends to them all by:

* Winning the war on terror;
* Lowering taxes;
* Outlawing abortion;
* Restoring prayer in public schools;
* Amending the U.S. Constitution to reflect the fact that marriage is a holy sacrament between one man and one woman only, and to repeal the 16th Amendment;
* Outlawing deficit spending and gun control;
* Ending affirmative action, diversity training, and PC brainwashing;
* Pulling the plug on wasteful programs dealing with non-existent global warming;
* Making English Only the law of the land;
* Reversing all decisions by activist judges which forbid public displays of the nativity scene, Christmas trees,the Ten Commandments, the Cross and other symbols of Christianity;
* Dissolving the Department of Education and replacing it with the Department of Home Schooling;
* Eliminating welfare and food stamp programs;
* Reinstating the death penalty, including execution methods which cause condemned killers to suffer great and long-lasting pain;
* Nominating only conservative judges whom have been vetted by Supreme Court Justices Thomas and Scalia;
* Securing the southern border with 160,000 armed troops;
* Invading Mexico and seizing that nation’s oil to compensate American taxpayers for public services stolen by 38 million Mexican illegal aliens squatting in the U.S.; and
* Reversing illegal immigration through mass deportations.

9. Made direct amends to all such patriot groups wherever possible, except when to do so would cause them to register and or vote for Democrats.

10. Continued to take inventory of all liberals and when they were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through talk radio and blogging to improve public acceptance of conservative values as we understand them, and to improve our conscious contact with eligible voters everywhere, seeking only to win the White House and conservative majorities in both chambers of the U.S. Congress in order to have the power to advance the conservative vision for America.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to all legal voters, and to practice these conservative principles in all our affairs.

To those too weak to adhere to this simple program, LA recommends that the suffering liberal either take up smoking or excessive eating until the urge to think like a liberal passes.

Remember, even though liberalism is a severe mental disorder, it too shall pass!

Sheep In Wolf's Clothing Panders To Queen B (Rhymes With Witch!)

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Anyone who expected Wolf Blitzer to actually hold Hillary Clinton accountable for her weasel words, flip flopping, and outright lies must have been bitterly disappointed during the debate from Las Vegas on Thursday night.

Blitzer treated the senator from New York as though she had already stolen the election and was looking to hire a Jewish press secretary combination moderator to keep peace between herself and Slick Willie in the White House.

Someone with the ability to dodge impertinent questions and the occasional ashtray hurled at Slick with equal grace.

Blitzer exposed his bias before the debates started by fawning over the Queen B, rhymes with witch. Asking the Queen B for her autograph was a dead giveaway that Blitzer was bound and determined to live up to his reputation as a lap dog for the Clinton News Network.

Under the pro-Hillary pandering executed by Wolf Blitzer, there were no piercing questions about the Queen B’s flip flopping over the issue of driver’s licenses for invading criminals. No tough questions or follow up questions were allowed, or even considered, with Wolf in charge of the doings.

Proof of Blitzer’s complete cave in came from a senior Clintonista who said this about Wolf: ‘He was outstanding, and did not gang up like Russert did in Philadelphia. He avoided the personal attacks, remained professional and ran the best debate so far.’

Or to put it in terms not quite as politically correct, Blitzer was a complete sell out to the B, and was really a sheep in Wolf’s clothing!