Rethinking Islam in Light of Zakaat

Satire By John W. Lillpop

According to Osama bin Laden, there are no taxes in Islam!

There is a Zakaat, which sounds like a flat tax. Again, according to Osama, the Zakaat is 2.5%, which beats 50% all to hell!

Maybe the world’s Numero Uno terrorist is not such a bad fellow after all. Perhaps Islam is not the nemesis that we have been lead to believe.

Without taxes to fret, one could get used to facing east five times a day, with one’s butt pointed straight up in the air, and in solemn prayer to this character named Allah.

Praise Be to Allah, indeed, for the Zakaat– and damn the IRS!

Yes, Islam can be brutal what with beheadings, lopping off of body parts for minor infractions, mandatory mosque attendance every Friday at the time devoted to the spiritual experience called Happy Hour in the civilized world.

But there are mitigating circumstances: There are no stupid 1040s, with Schedules A-Z and hundreds of stupid forms required by a Nazi-like bureaucracy. No withholding taxes to decimate an otherwise respectable pay check.

And Osama even recognizes that Democrats are bungling morons who cannot be trusted with anything important.

In addition, Islam has a provision for multiple wives, which is available in America only to Mormons who tithe. That is 10% on top of taxes!

Feminist Nazis are unheard of in Islam, and women know their place and mind their male masters without argument.

No taxes, multiple wives OK, no feminists, no Democrats.

Say there, OBL, when is the next “Open Enrollment” month for Islam?

Wherever There Are Invading Criminals and Mooches, That Is Mexico!

Satire By John W. Lillpop

How utterly brilliant of Mexican President Felipe Calderon to remind the United States of his major political philosophy for running Mexico.

During his State of the Cesspool address, this deranged leader said, “Wherever there is a Mexican, that is Mexico.”

Hotair: http://hotair.com/archives/2007/09/02/calderon-wherever-there-is-a-mexican-that-is-mexico/

Translated from guttural Spanish into bandito Mexican, Calderon’s real message was: “America’s borders, sovereignty, immigration laws, and rule of law do not apply to Mexicans in the United States, especially those there illegally.”

A more sophisticated, less politically correct, account of Calderon’s retarded words renders the following:

“Wherever there is free education, health care, welfare, food stamps, and housing, there are Mexican free loaders and scam artists waiting to mooch on the backs of U.S. taxpayers!”

Whichever version of Calderon’s mental collapse one chooses to accept, it is clear that this corrupt fascist does not have a clue about how to jar Mexico from it’s decades old siesta in the comfy confines of the third world.

An example of how Calderon’s muddled Mexican mind works, or does not work, can be gleaned from his ambitious “End Poverty in Mexico” program.

Under normal circumstances, one would assume that such a program would include initiatives to improve education, increase productivity, reduce taxes, encourage foreign investments, and high technology measures to strengthen Mexico.

However, Felipe Calderon’s “End Poverty in Mexico” program is nothing more than an “Invade America Kit” which includes:

* Maps showing illegal alien friendly locations throughout Arizona;

* Locations and hours of welfare and food stamp distribution centers;

* Directions to emergency rooms with Spanish speaking physicians who specialize in delivering anchor babies;

* List of emergency rooms where, for the right amount of money, one can purchase a United States birth certificate for a child actually born in Mexico. Caution: Generally available only for Latino children less than eight years old, under 5′3′, and weighing not more than 200 pounds;

* Phone numbers and email addresses for anti-American ACLU lawyers and other civil rights anarchists,

* Retail stores selling Mexican flags and other protest marching gear at discount prices for those with certifiably fraudulent matrícula ID cards, and

* Phone numbers for all branch offices of the Democrat Party. Democrat party operatives will actually arrange for transport to the nearest “Get Out the Vote!” center so that illegal aliens can register immediately.

Americans anxious about Felipe Calderon’s lack of respect for the sovereignty and rule of law in the United States can rest assured that the other prominent president in North America with limited English language skills had this to say about Calderon’s State of the Cesspool warning:

“We are kicking ass in Iraq!”

Thank you, President Bush. And happy sixth anniversary of 9/11 and the concurrent invasion of America by third world peasants!