Pedro Zapeta Should Be Deported Immediately, Sans $59,000!

By John W. Lillpop

The legal case against illegal alien Pedro Zapeta has socialists in the Democrat party and Catholic Church wringing their hands in angst at America’s unfair, broken immigration system.

The rest of the story is as follows.

Pedro Zapeta had a unique, gangster-style vision of the American Dream. In his corrupt, polluted little mind, Zapeta thought it made perfect sense, both logically and morally, to ignore America’s borders, immigration laws, and income tax laws in order to pursue a far greater objective.

Namely, the personal enrichment of Pedro Zapeta.

Thank goodness, Zapeta’s twisted version of the American Dream ultimately turned into a nightmare when authorities actually enforced the law.

CNN: http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/09/27/immigrant.money/index.html

Pedro Zapeta is an illegal alien from Guatemala who has squatted in America for 11 years. Over that time, Pedro washed dishes in Stuart, Florida and, by living frugally, managed to save $59,000.

Proving once and for all that most rocket scientists simply will not wash dishes for more than 11 years at $5.50 an hour, Zapeta finally decided to return to his beloved Guatemala with that $59,000 in tow. Like on his person, in a duffel bag, if you can imagine.

Zapeta’s nightmare began when airport security discovered his cash stash and began asking questions. It was soon obvious that Zapeta was an illegal alien who was in violation of the U.S. law that requires one to declare cash in excess of $10,000 to customs.

Once authorities had sorted out Zapeta’s situation, his $59,000 was seized and he was turned over to Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS). Of course, Zapeta was immediately released by morons at INS. Deportation proceedings did, however, commence.

Amazingly enough, Zapeta did not disappear into the shadows, as most released illegal aliens typically do.

And why, pray tell, did Zapeta not flee to Newark, New Jersey, San Francisco, California or some other liberal infested sanctuary city?

Perhaps the invading weasel had finally seen the light and decided to repent? Maybe all those years in a hot, stuffy American kitchen washing dishes had imbued this criminal with a redemptive sense of right versus wrong?

Wrong!

Actually, it was a combination of unbridled greed and stupidity, rather than a spiritual awakening that kept Zapeta from going to San Francisco with flowers in his hair.

Remember that $59,000? It turns out that Pedro continues to believe that he is entitled to that money— and his duffel bag. A cabal of corrupt leftist lawyers has worked, pro bono, in an attempt to recover “his” money.

Along the way, Zapeta received $10,000 in donations from bleeding heart types who always feel sympathy for non-American criminals, especially those in America illegally.

But, alas, Zapeta has been hit with more bad news. Apparently the dishwasher fool paid zero taxes on that $59,000. Thus, the IRS impounded the $10,000 in donations as a lien against unpaid taxes.

Justice! At long last!

Of course, liberals are outraged at the way the U.S. government is treating poor Pedro Zapeta. After all, they argue, he is an uneducated, non-English speaking peasant who was unaware of the U.S. law pertaining to declaration of moneys being carried in one’s duffel bag through security at a busy airport.

To liberals who make that outrageous argument, I ask the following:

* Was Zapeta also unaware of the fact that his income is taxable?

* How much sympathy is owed an illegal alien who has been here for 11 years without taking the time to learn English, and become familiar with our laws?

* How much pro bono legal work would leftist lawyers donate to help an American citizen charged with tax evasion?

For his part, the addled Pedro Zapeta said the following, “They are treating me like a criminal when all I am is a working man,” he said.

Sorry, Pedro, even though you and your brain dead attorneys may not know it, you are a despicable criminal who needs to get the hell out of America and never come back!

Merely deporting illegal alien Pedro Zapeta is not enough. America needs to send a message to other third world criminals, and would be criminals.

Namely, America is fed up with foreigners who, for whatever reason, think they are entitled to invade America. That foggy thinking will no longer be tolerated.

Here is my proposal: In addition to deporting Zapeta immediately, our government should send the $59,000 this nut case was carrying in a duffel bag to the beleaguered families of Border Patrol Agents Ignacio Ramos and Jose Compean.

By doing so, Zapeta and other criminals will know that there is a severe penalty to be paid by those who come here illegally and evade income taxes!

It would also help to ease the suffering of the families of two patriotic men who have been sabotaged by our government and addle-brained president simply for defending America against invasion.

Does America NEED A Woman President?

By John W. Lillpop

Now that Hillary Clinton is the presumptive favorite to become the presidential nominee of the Democrat Party in 2008, she and her Democrat colleagues must confront the fact that nearly 50 percent of voters are unfavorably disposed toward her candidacy.

Clinton and her team of political professionals will need to convert at least some of those voters in order for her campaign have even a remote chance of succeeding.

Which is why feminists and those who advocate for Clinton are already playing the “Sexist” card in order to shame voters into electing a member of the weaker sex to serve as president.

The idea is to convince voters that We the People have violated the U.S. Constitutional promise of equal opportunity since a woman has never been elected to the presidency. We the people have discriminated against one half of our population for the innocent act of being born female.

With a bit of luck and a few hundred million dollars in campaign funds dredged up from unsavory sources by Norman Hsu, the Democrats hope to convince people to vote for Hillary for one overwhelming reason: She is female.

Expect blatantly sexist slogans like “After 230 Years, America Needs A Woman President,” and “Bring America Into the 21st Century–Send a Woman to the White House!” to clog the airwaves, print media and broadband venues over the next fourteen months.

Mind you, I am not opposed to a woman serving as U.S. President.

However, when deciding which level to pull, or which Chad to hang, intelligent voters should avoid supporting a candidate solely on the basis of his or her gender. That is decidedly “old school!”

As we Americans have learned over the past six plus years, the world is incredibly complex and dangerous. We need a knowledgeable and credible chief executive to navigate the United States through the most difficult time in our nation’s history.
Thus, before voting the prudent question should be “Who is the most qualified candidate?” Reproductive piping should be irrelevant.

In order to earn my vote, a candidate should reflect the following values, background and positions:

* A person of integrity and high morals.

* Protector of traditional American family values.

* Knowledgeable of world affairs, leaders, and political nuances.

* Capable of earning the respect of American men and women in uniform and leading same as commander-in-chief.

* Dedicated to the national defense and homeland security.

* Patriotic, to a fault.

* An unabashed “America First” zealot.

* Obsessed with the rule of law, including enforcement of all laws.

* Not smitten with the idea that he/she is personally above the law.

* Uses competence rather than diversity in staffing decisions.

* Fiscally prudent. Believes in low taxes, small government.

* Strong proponent of American sovereignty, culture and language.

* Dedicated to ending and reversing illegal immigration.

With all of those attributes, or most of them, a candidate would be well equipped to serve America with honor and success–regardless of which sex one happened to be born into!

So the answer to my original question is: Having a woman president would be terrific, provided she possessed the capabilities and qualities needed to succeed in office AND provided that she was the most qualified candidate.

What could be more fair?

Is Felipe Calderon Completely Loco?

By John W. Lillpop

Mexican President Felipe Calderon continues to make public pronouncements that should cause legal and medical authorities to arrest and commit the loco hombre to an institution for long term psychiatric care.

This man clearly needs serious help (a lobotomy?) before he does grave harm to himself and Mexico, and even more harm to America.

Calderon’s latest remarks were made on September 27 before a gathering of Mexican and U.S. governors from states along the U.S.-Mexico border. It was at that meeting that Calderon insisted that immigration “is an inevitable, natural phenomenon” that should cause the United States Congress to implement reform so that more Mexicans can invade America at will.

Calderon then slipped into full-blown dementia when he demanded that the United States respect “the right to work wherever one can make the greatest contribution.”

Tucson Citizen: http://www.tucsoncitizen.com/daily/local/64282.php

What could cause Calderon to issue such a mindless demand?

The notoriously putrid Mexican water? Over consumption of 200 proof Tequila during working hours?

Think about it: Mexico has some of the most rigid and punitive immigration laws in the world, designed specifically to keep Guatemalans, Nicaraguans, and other undesirable Latinos from nesting in Mexico.

In fact, Mexico deports more illegal aliens from south of it’s borders than does America.

So why does “the right to work wherever one can make the greatest contribution” not apply to Guatemalans and Nicaraguans going to Mexico, President Calderon?

Or is immigration ” an inevitable, natural phenomenon” only when the United States is the final destination of the invading migrants?

Calderon continued his public mental breakdown when he stated that Mexico “doesn’t celebrate migration . . . our best people are the ones who go.”

Now that IS amazing news!

America’s emergency rooms, welfare offices, and food stamp centers are clogged with illiterate Mexican peasants who steal public services from American taxpayers.

Illegal aliens kill an average of 12 Americans every day through acts of violence or drunken driving.

Many illegal aliens do not pay taxes owed, they used forged documents and stolen identities to violate the law, and refuse to learn English.

Nearly 30 percent of the criminals incarcerated in America’s jails and federal prisons are illegal aliens.

The majority of felony crimes committed in Los Angeles is the work of illegal aliens from Mexico.

Overall, illegal aliens cost American taxpayers hundreds of billions of dollars each year and are a huge homeland security risk to America.

And those are Mexico’s best, Felipe? God spare us your worst!

President Calderon needs to understand that there is indeed an “inevitable, natural phenomenon” in the United States with regard to immigration.

But rather the open borders insanity that Calderon favors, in America the phenomena involves securing our borders, defending U.S. national sovereignty, operating in accordance with rule of law, and preservation of American culture and language.

And that means hunting down and deporting each and every damn third world thug here illegally!

Get used to it, Felipe. America’s fierce commitment to preserving America is not going to diminish. In fact, each time Calderon makes an idiotic statement, the resolve of Americans increases dramtically.

Bottom line to Calderon: Exporting your problems to the U.S. is no longer viable. Mexico needs to develop the ability to feed, house, educate, and provide health care for your citizens!

Comprehende?

If Hillary Is Elected—

Satire By John Lillpop

Should the American people be foolish enough to elect Hillary Clinton to the presidency in 2008, the following events will surely ensue:

The 44th president of the United States will take the Oath of Office at the UN. She will place her left hand on the Koran, while swearing (in Spanish) at the U.S. Constitution, free markets, and Republicans.

Presidential Inaugural Balls will be held in Moscow, Paris, Havana, San Francisco, and other venues with large populations of known anti-American leftists, feminists, atheists, and other anarchists.

Burning the American flag will no longer be a crime, unless Al Gore decides that the smoke from smoldering flags causes global warming.

Bill Clinton will be pardoned for all crimes past and future, excepting sexual infidelity missteps that will surely take place in the Oval Office and adjoining rooms.

Marriage will be redefined as a union between two or more consenting men, women, animals, insects, and plants, or any combination thereof.

Government-paid day care will be an inalienable right of American women, rooted somewhere in an undisclosed location in the privacy bowels of the U.S. Constitution.

Speaking English to Hispanics obviously in America illegally will be regarded as harassment, a crime subject to severe civil and criminal penalties.

All citizens will be automatically covered by universal health care insurance at birth; illegal aliens will be covered only after registering as Democrats.

An “Excess Initiative Tax” will be paid by households with annual incomes exceeding $200,000.

A “Global Warming Tax” will be levied on SUVs and luxury cars registered to Republicans.

Proving that one has seen Al Gore’s “An Inconvenient Truth” at least twice within an election cycle will be required in order to vote Republican.

Former National Security Adviser Sandy Berger will be appointed Director of Homeland Security.

Unleaded gasoline will be outlawed.

The Iraq war will be officially declared a “Hate Crime” against Islam.

George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, General Petraeus, and Donald Rumsfeld will be sent to Guantánamo Bay for their roles in the Iraq war.

Terrorists held at Guantánamo Bay will be set free to make room for George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, General Petraeus, and Donald Rumsfeld.

Income tax rates will be trebled for white, Christian Republicans.

Mothers Day will be replaced by Women’s Emancipation Day, which will be celebrated on January 22, date of Roe V. Wade.

Norman Hsu will be pardoned and appointed to head the Hillary 2012 Fundraising Bonanza and Reelection Campaign.

Memorial Day will be recognized as a holiday that places far too much emphasis on American military victories and war. Instead, America will holiday on August 14 to commemorate the birth of Fidel Castro.

Christianity will be declared the refuge of “Superstitious Pagans,” and more dangerous to one’s health than trans fats, cigarettes, cholesterol, sugar, salt, alcoholism, illegal drugs, global warming, and Islamic terrorists combined.

Washington, D.C., will be declared a “Sanctuary City” for illegal aliens, terrorists and would be terrorists, sexually confused members of the U.S. Senate, gay, lesbians, and transvestites.

Reading the 2nd Amendment in public and owning guns of any type will be considered acts of treason, the only crimes for which the death penalty is allowed.

The military draft will be reinstated to obligate all people between the ages of 18 and 50 to four years of national service, except those with 666 stamped on their foreheads by Howard Dean and authorized minions at the DNC.

Dick Cheney’s birthday will be declared an official day of mourning, with all flags ordered to fly at half-mast.

Columbus Day will be declared “Old School” and replaced by March 31, birthday of Cesar Chavez.

Why Is Federal Authority Inviolable In Hazelton, But Irrelevant In Newark?

By John W. Lillpop

Decent American citizens like those in Hazelton, Pennsylvania are increasingly disenfranchised as they struggle to protect their communities from unwelcome third world invaders here illegally in violation of our borders and laws.

For the most part, Americans residing in Hazelton are law-abiding citizens who have been raised to believe that America operates within the rule of law. Therefore, they pass local ordinances and laws in order to protect their schools, families, and property from those not here legally.

After all, the rule of law, rather than anarchy, is supposed to be the American way for resolving conflicts, is it not?

When a federal judge unilaterally blocks enforcement of a local immigration law because it is “unconstitutional,” concepts like the will of the people and rule of law are flagrantly mocked, and American citizens are disenfranchised by fiat.

In most cases, the federal judge will justify his/her action by ruling that the local law is unconstitutional because of inviolable federal jurisdiction.

Ordinary citizens in Hazelton will understandably be outraged to learn that that argument is made by institutions that should be working for, rather than against, Americans. That includes the ACLU, the Democrat party, leaders of the Catholic Church, the Chamber of Commerce, RINOs, and even our addled president.

Americans do not pass restrictive, mean spirited laws to discriminate against people with brown skin. Laws are passed only when responsible citizens and leaders realize that their community is threatened by those who are not here legally, irrespective of race, color, ethnicity, or nation of origin.

That reality really hits home with a punch when folks realize that their schools are overwhelmed by the children of illegal aliens who cannot understand English. Such students impede the learning of English proficient children because teachers are constantly forced to ‘dumb down’ instruction to accommodate non-English speakers.

Citizens also tend to become angry activists when they realize that local emergency rooms can no longer meet the needs of Americans because hordes of illegal aliens take over such facilities for free medical care.

Citizen outrage grows even stronger when medical facilities are forced to close because of illegal aliens who do not pay for services received.

Indignation becomes even more emphatic when citizens contemplate the fact that, although illegal aliens often do not pay for medical care, they somehow manage to send scores of billions of dollars back to Mexico and other countries of origin each and every year.

Cities like Hazleton are also forced to deal with other unwelcome byproducts of illegal immigration including violent gangs, drunken driving, proliferation of illegal drugs, and increased crimes of all types.

So, the great questions of the moment are:

* Why in the hell are people born and raised in Hazelton prevented from implementing laws to protect the community, children, and culture from illegal aliens?

* What would the Founding Fathers say to a federal judge who unilaterally overturned the will of American citizens who acted to protect their communities from foreigners in America illegally?

There is an even larger question, that being:

If a local community is barred from acting to restrict illegal aliens based on constitutional concerns about federal jurisdiction, how in the hell can a city like Newark, New Jersey unilaterally declare itself a “Sanctuary City” for illegal aliens?

Again: Why Is Federal Authority Inviolable In Hazelton, But Irrelevant In Newark?

Whom Do You Trust? General Petraeus, Or Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid?

John W. Lillpop

After listening to President Bush and the Democrats rehash the same old lines about Iraq once again, it seems as though the matter really boils down to this:

Whom do you trust to keep America safe? General David Petraeus or Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid

Forget President Bush. At this point he is an even lamer duck than was the case in January; and he has absolutely zero credibility.

With W out of the picture, the American people must choose between General Petraeus and the liberal tag team of Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid.

The choice is clear and unambiguous.

On the one hand, we have a highly decorated military professional who has spent most of 2007 ‘on the ground’ in Iraq, managing coalition forces.

General Petraeus is a man of such obvious intellect, integrity, and stature that he was confirmed unanimously by the Democrat-controlled U.S. Senate in February.

On the other hand, we have a flighty leftist from San Francisco, a city dominated by liberals who actually believe that the U.S. military is not needed to defend America.

That of course is none other than the Speaker of the U.S. House, Nancy Pelosi.

This misguided, botox-addicted grandmother celebrated her new power early in 2007 by rushing off to visit Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.

Not content with simply patronizing a terrorist nation against the expressed wishes of the President of the United States during a time of war, Speaker Pelosi also managed to completely bungle a simple message from Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert.

Pelosi’s first (and hopefully last!) attempt at Granny Diplomacy is still being sorted out by professionals in the State Department.

At the exact same time that Speaker Pelosi was wreaking havoc in diplomatic circles in the middle east, General Petraeus was on the ground in Iraq, fighting and killing Al-Quaeda and other terrorists intent on preventing democracy and freedom from taking hold there.

Of course Speaker Pelosi is joined in her political malpractice by Harry Reid, the flamboyant and charismatic majority leader of the U.S. Senate.

Senator Reid claims to be able to see into the future, which is why the senator declared that the “war is lost,” well before the surge had been given a reasonable chance.

As with all losers, Reid does not take kindly to being proven wrong, which is why he rejected General Petraeus’s plan even before hearing what the general had to say.

Instead, Reid formed his views based on that outrageous MoveOn.Org attack ad against General Petraeus in the New York Times.

Again, the bottom line is:

Whom Do You Trust? General Petraeus or Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid?

Some Unholy Questions About Osama's 'Caravan of Martyrs'

By John W. Lillpop

As a right wing Christian wacko and card-holding infidel, I fully appreciate the fact that Osama bin Laden’s call for a ‘caravan of martyrs’ was not directed at me or those like me.

His target audience was obviously young Muslim men who speak Arabic, are devoted to Islam, and are willing to blow themselves into pizza topping in order to win the company of 72 virgins in the sexual paradise sure to follow.

Daily Mail: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/worldnews.html?in_article_id=480444&in_page_id=1811

Although I am not a candidate for Osama’s Jihad, I do have some good old fashioned common sense questions that all young Muslim men should ask before signing up for Osama’s suicide brigade.

First and foremost:

If ramming an airplane carrying 10,000 gallons of jet fuel into a New York skyscraper is a heroic act of martyrdom that will please Allah and bring boundless glory to Islam, why in the Hell has Osama bin Laden not made that sacrifice himself?

Why has OBL not turned himself into a smoldering piece of charcoal, for the good of Islam? Or for the good of Osama, for that matter, if the martyr’s earned reward is really 72 voluptuous virgins?

Think about it.

Six years ago, Mohamned Atta and eighteen other Muslim brothers followed Osama’s orders and were vaporized in hell fire so intense that it melted steel.

Nineteen smudges of burning human DNA are all that remained of Mohamned Atta et.al, following their OBL-ordered murders of September 11, 2001.

And what of the personal fortunes of Osama bin Laden himself since 911?

Six years later, this seven-foot cowardly terrorist is still servicing his various and sundry harems in air conditioned, upscale caves in Pakistan and showing no signs of slowing down.

So while the vaporized blobs that used to be Mohamned Atta et al., are buried under tons and tons of infidel ruins in America, this bearded weasel is busy making self-promoting videos and babies instead of suicide explosions featuring his own corrupt self.

Self-respecting Muslim men, awaken!

Osama bin Laden’s latest recruitment for a ‘Caravan of martyrs’ should be answered with the following challenge: After you, Osama!

Mohamned Atta's Plea from Islamic Heaven, Six Years Later

Satire by John W. Lillpop

For Immediate Release:

Brothers and Heirs to the Throne of Heaven,

Praise Be to Allah!

After our arrival here six years ago, we embraced the clouds and thanked Allah for deliverance from the infidel devils lead by that dyslexic Christian cowboy from Texas.

We prayed that, Allah willing, Bush would be forced to spend eternity with Nancy Pelosi in San Francisco, a situation otherwise known by Christian infidels as hell.

Brothers, all is good in Islamic Heaven, save one detail.

Each of the 72 virgins that greeted your martyr brothers is the spitting image of Helen Thomas, a fiction writer who works in Washington D.C., Capitol City of the infidels.

Pray for us, brothers: These women are virgins, but not by choice.

This is not what we were promised as our reward for being blown to smithereens.

Allah willing, your prayers will deliver unto us 72 middle-eastern Muslim women, ages 15- 21, lean but not mean, beautiful and still virgins by choice.

Allah speed brothers!

Without seductive virgins, this gig sucks!

Your Comrade in Death,
Mohamned Atta

MoveOn.Org Attack on General Petraeus Backfires

By John W. Lillpop

Anti-war liberals at MoveOn.Org, in conspiracy with anti-American forces at the New York Times, thought they were being clever with that subversive ad that accused General Petraeus of being ‘General Betray Us.’

Ad: http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/Decision2008/story?id=3581727&page=1

However, MoveOn.Org and the New York Times appear to have outsmarted themselves with this particular smear, published before Petraeus even arrived on Capitol Hill to deliver his testimony before the U.S. House.

In that testimony, General Petraeus came across as a cool and collected military professional, totally dedicated to completing the “Mission” in Iraq.

That ‘Mission’, despite the best efforts of Tom Lantos, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, and other leftists in the U.S. Congress, remains Victory in Iraq.

Lest Democrats forget, that means Victory FOR AMERICA!

With his powerful and compelling testimony, General Petraeus made it clear that he intends to win the war on terror for the American people, unless prevented from doing so by Democrats blinded by partisan politics and in a crazed heat precipitated by an election cycle.

Petraeus is a man of obvious intellect, courage, and integrity, qualities completely absent in sniveling fools like those at MoveOn.Org.

Clearly, this man is ‘For Us,’ and any suggestion to the contrary is nothing more than wishful thinking on the part of communists, socialists, and liberal Democrats.

In evaluating the Petraeus testimony, each American should ask himself or herself the following question

Whom do you trust more to defend America? General Petraeus or Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid?

And the question that really needs to be asked:

Whom is more guilty of betraying America? General Petraeus or MoveOn.Org and the New York Times?

Translating Democrat Sound Bites Into American

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Because the format of the latest debate among Democrats was based on racial profiling and pandering to illegal aliens, hundreds of millions of decent American citizens were unable to understand the sound bits and propoganda that flowed from the 10 least qualified presidential candidates in U.S. history.

For the benefit of those who do not, cannot, and never will speak Spanish, fret not. All you really missed is proof positive that this crop of liberal misfits is made up of double talking traitors who can lie in two languages!

As a service to real Americans who speak real American, the debate transcripts have been analyzed. A sampling of the most frequent sound bites from the Democrats follows:

* George Bush’s ’surge’ has failed. The Iraq war has been lost.

* There are no ‘illegal’ human beings, except for Republicans named Bush and Cheney.

* Elvira Arellano should be escorted back into the U.S., given full citizenship rights, and elected to the U.S. Senate to replace John Warner and or Chuck Hagel.

* Deportations must cease, except for Hispanic Republicans who should be shipped out regardless of immigration status.

* Comprehensive immigration reform is needed to bring millions of undocumented Americans out of the shadows where they will be free to join the Democrat party and vote Democrat for life.

* General Petraeus, You Betrayed Us!

* George Bush lied, People Died!

There you go–the eight most common declarations from the liberal nut cases who would, given the chance, cut $450 billion out of the defense and homeland security budgets and use the money to pay for public services for illegal aliens.

That is Loco, in any language!