Huge Win for America: Illegal Alien Elvira Arellano Captured!

Illegal Alien Hides Behind Cross To Avoid Justice

By John W. Lillpop

Proving that rule of law and justice are not entirely dead in California, federal immigration authorities arrested illegal alien-anarchist Elvira Arrellano on a beautifully brilliant Sunday afternoon in Los Angeles.

Arrellano is the cowardly Mexican criminal who hid behind the Christian cross and her eight-year-old son in order to escape justice while squatting in a church near Chicago.

With the arrest of this contemptible criminal, Michael Chertoff has just 29,999,999 additional illegal aliens on his list to hunt down, arrest, and deport.

Do not lose hope, Michael! You can do it, provided that you and Dubya at least try!

At this point, our government needs to completely stop coddling and pampering invading criminals, and focus exclusively on doing the business of the American people.

That means that Homeland Security should arrange to fly Arellano back to Mexico non-stop tonight.

Shipping her back Monday afternoon or Tuesday morning is not good enough. This evil wretch needs to be grabbed by the neck and forcibly removed from America now!

Forget about more deportation hearings, due process, and all of the other nonsense that the ACLU and liberals will bring up in order to keep this third-world tramp in America and away from justice.

Remember Arellano was given due process in the past and was ordered by the courts to get the hell out. But like every illegal alien currently here, Arellano simply does not care about due process or rule of law.

All she is concerned with is protecting her own selfish interests.

ACLU lawyers and Democrats will wring their hands and cry in anguish about separating the saintly Arellano from her son, Saul. “We cannot break up families with such cold, calculated indifference,” they will scream.
They may have a point. To which I say, OK, let’s ship Saul and his degenerate mother back to Mexico together, make it a family deportation.

In that manner, the youngster can be with his corrupt mother as long as necessary, while preserving the right to excercise his U.S. citizenship at an appropriate time in the future.

By doing the right thing in dealing with Elvira Arellano, our government can send a badly needed message to illegal aliens already here and those contemplating an invasion from Mexico and other third-world origins.

That message is: Illegal aliens will be hunted down, arrested, and deported as soon as possible, irrespective of family ties.

After all, illegal is illegal, family or not.

Sending such a message now will have the added benefit of causing illegal aliens to begin the process of self-deportation.

And that would be a wonderful thing!

'Savage' Nation Offers U.S. Citizenship To Illegal Aliens?

Satire By John W. Lillpop

No, no, no Michael Savage has not lost his good mind. The good doctor is not offering U.S. citizenship and respectability to millions of illegal aliens who agree to become “savageized!”

However, undocumented criminals are being offered a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, with the American Dream thrown in at no extra cost, for those who sign-up for this rip-off before the onset of Indian summer.

Promoted by snake oil purveyors no longer able to coax a respectable living out of used teepee or totem pole fraud, and with too much ethics to join Al Gore’s global warming hoax, this new scheme allows illegal aliens to join an Indian tribe.

By doing so, said invaders are allegedly able to secure U.S. citizenship and avoid deportation by Homeland Security demons operating under the direction of Michael Chertoff, who heads that department when not otherwise engaged in his official duties as the Anti-Christ.

My Way: http://apnews.myway.com/article/20070817/D8R2VJ202.html

And why would any self-respecting illegal alien fall for such an obvious scam?

In order get answers to this vexing question, we contracted with illegal alien and ACLU attorney Miquel Martinez Garcia Rodriquez Tejada Pena Hernandez, who points with pride to the fact that his long name is designed to thwart even the most sophisticated system used by the U.S. government to prevent ID fraud and illegal immigration.

According to Miquel Martinez Garcia Rodriquez Tejada Pena Hernandez, there are seven compelling reasons why illegal aliens are attracted to the Indian tribe scam:

7. Marijuana and other recreational drugs OK;

6. No back taxes to fret;

5. No mean-spirited American history exams;

4. No need to work;

3. No snoopy criminal, credit, or medical background checks;

2. No need to learn no stinkin’ English;

And The Number One Reason Illegal Aliens Fall For Indian Citizenship Scams:

1. No need to join the Catholic church or other pervert-friendly religious cults.

In addition, the ’savage nation’ offer beats the Hades out of proposals made by liberals.

Miquel Martinez Garcia Rodriquez Tejada Pena Hernandez expanded on that last point by noting that liberals require illegal aliens to register as Democrats before becoming U.S. citizens, and to sign an Oath of Allegiance that requires them to vote a straight Democrat ticket for life, and thereafter as needed in really tight elections.

According to Miquel Martinez Garcia Rodriquez Tejada Pena Hernandez, voting for Democrats is just as distasteful to enlightened tax-weary Mexican peasants as it is to most Americans.

Besides, liberals are constantly pushing affirmative action and diversity programs that will only get in the way of macho politics once the new Hispanic majority takes over America, which could come sooner rather later if Americans are stupid enough to elect a Democrat president and Congress in 2008!

In other words, affirmative action is a civil rights imperative as long as white people remain the majority, but will become an evil tool of racism when used to knowingly help minority Caucasians.

President Bush, reached on Air Force One en route to campaigning for the presidency of the North American Union (NAU) next week, had this to say to illegal aliens tempted by savage nation offers:

“I encourage all good hearted, hard working illegal aliens to do their invading the “American Way.” In other words, just jump a fence and head north.

Upon arriving in ‘merica, immediately apply for food stamps, welfare, education, and health care benefits to establish a history of residency and dependency.

Next, have an “anchor baby” or six to keep Chertoff from shipping your illegal butt back.

Then just kick back and wait. In short order, a batch of traitorous RINOs, lead by a dysfunctional president, will pass an amnesty bill –it will be called guest worker to confuse the taxpaying public–and before you can join a protest march to demand your non-existent rights, y’all will be legalized and on a fast path to citizenship.

All without selling your souls or scalps to the real savages–i.e., the Democrats!

Above all else, amigos, remember that Uncle Sam will soon be Uncle NAU, and your beloved Jorge will be presidente of the NAU!

Comprehende, kemosabe?”

Rudy Giuliani: Heir Apparent to Throne of King W?

With January 20, 2009 just two Christmases away, many Americans are already anxiously counting the months, weeks, days, hours, and minutes until King W makes Crawford, Texas his full time residence, rather than just a six month a year vacation hide away as is now the case.

Known for traveling light, W is expected to take but two items with him to commemorate the “Worst Presidency in U.S. History.” Those items are his notorious “Mission Accomplished” banner and a copy of “Spanish for Dummies.”

Conservatives hoping to replace Bush with a real conservative face a daunting challenge. Indeed, it is astounding that Rudy Giuliani is doing as well as he is in national polls among likely Republican voters.

After all, Giuliani has a history of being wrong on nearly every issue that matters. He is a pro-choice, anti-gun, pro-illegal alien, and anti-rule of law charlatan.

Were it not for the fact that he speaks understandable English, Giuliani would be indistinguishable from W.

Come to think of it, Giuliani is different from W in another important respect: W has spent all of his 9/11 good will and has been running an approval deficit for years, while Giuliani is still milking one of the most tragic days in American history.

Giuliani continues to be seen as “America’s Mayor” and a hero for providing nanny comfort to New Yorkers on 9/11. But, honestly, what did Giuliani do that was heroic, out of the ordinary, or deserving of immediate sainthood?

He attended funerals non-stop, made speeches to encourage and inspire frightened New Yorkers, and returned a $10 million check to a Saudi Arabian prince who sought to undermine America’s strong and historic commitment to Israel.

In doing all of those good deeds, Giuliani was an inspiring figure at a time of grave crisis. But he was hardly a hero.

Giuliani did only what would be expected from the mayor of a great American city–it would have been unthinkable for him to do otherwise.

In any event, how in Hades does being New York’s all in one grandfather, father, psychiatrist, and Mister Rogers qualify Giuliani to be president of these United States? It obviously does not!

Conservatives still on the fence about this leftist in Republican clothing should consider his most recent shenanigans on illegal aliens.

In a recent speech, Giuliani said, “We can end illegal immigration. I promise you we can end illegal immigratio.”

However, Giuliani’s true stripes were exposed in a more recent public appearance at which Giuliani declared that the 12-30 million illegal aliens now in America should be given a path to citizenship.

Giuliani calls it “earned citizenship,” but American patriots will immediately recognize it as a rehash of King W’s amnesty fraud.

Mind you, this nation desperately needs to enforce the concept of earned citizenship, but not by legalizing criminal behavior.

Earned citizenship should be done the old fashioned way: The want-to-be citizen takes his or her place at the end of the line, applies for consideration, submits to the various background, credit, character, and medical checks required by the United States government, and waits until the U.S. acts.

That means that the hopeful applicant stays in Mexico, or Nicaragua, or Peru until America decides if the application is to be approved–and when.

In other words, don’t call us, we will call you, and by all means do NOT invade our sovereign nation.

No foreign person, regardless of how good hearted and hard working has the right to waltz across U.S. borders and unilaterally set up residency.

Even Rudy Giuliani should recognize that those who simply jump a fence and head north without regard to U.S. borders and laws are criminals.

Such people should not be gifted with an “undeserved citizenship,” but should be deported as soon as possible.

Karl Rove Bails, W Places "Help Wanted" Sign In White House Window

Satire By John W. Lillpop

The BREAKING NEWS headline that disrupted my breakfast this morning concerned the emergency removal of 250 pounds of noxious hot air and polluted flab from the White House.

Translation: Karl Rove, AKA George W. Bush’s pet that is part buffalo and part snake, has decided that enough damage has been done to the U.S. Constitution, America’s global image, our national pride, and the Bush family tree.

Consequently, Rove is leaving the White House at the end of August upon completion of his most critical assignment: Overseeing the month- long vacation of the most work-adverse president in U.S. history.

That, of course, is George W. Bush, whose neurotic obsession with being in Crawford, Texas every August may be his only hope for a lasting legacy.

Say what you will about W, but the man DID lead by example. For instance, he did a world of good by convincing Iraq’s Parliament to abandon Jihad, decapitations, and other sacred Muslim rituals for the entire month of August.

Pity that leadership did not spill over into the insurgency community and the streets of Baghdad!

But back to the unsinkable (fat floats!) Karl Rove: Not so very long ago, Rove was considered a political genius, a virtuoso who could do no wrong.

Blessed with an IQ too robust to measure on standardized tests, Rove was like a balding, out-of-shape version of Harry Potter–a wizard with the magic and sorcery needed to save the Republican party.

Only an improbable combination of genius and wizardry would explain Rove’s masterful feat in getting George W. Bush elected President of the United States, and reelected to boot.

Without magic wands, incantations, and complex curses at his command, there is no way that Rove would stand a chance at winning with a candidate who is unable to string two cogent sentences back-to-back, who creates words like “Hispanically” and “strategery,” and who makes your cross-eyed, demented aunt sound presidential.

Unfortunately for Rove, the snake pit that is Washington, D.C., has whittled him down to size, at least with respect to influence, if not girth.

No longer in the same league as Harry Potter, Rove has assumed the persona of Voldermort, public enemy number one.

Rove’s failures include alienating the Republican base, and losing both the U.S. House and Senate to the dreaded Democrats. That is not cool for the resume of a highly touted political strategist.

Finally, at long last, Rove has taken the hint and is leaving the White House. Unconfirmed reports indicate that his next gig will be as the CEO of See’s Candy.

If Rove’s track record in Washington, D.C., is any indication, See’s public image as America’s favorite purveyor of chocolate sweets will quickly deteriorate into a flat-footed with Red China as the least trusted and most despised source for rat poison in the world.

To replace Rove, President Bush needs a young, intellectually gifted, well-educated, sophisticated, flame-throwing conservative who can take the heat off the president long enough to allow the Bush legacy dream team to do its job.

But these are tough times and Bush may find it difficult to replace the utterly forgettable Karl Rove. To help the president find the ideal candidate, I have written the following ad:

“Help Wanted:

Fashionable home in nation’s capitol needs sacrificial lamb for 15-month assignment as assistant to commander in chief. Must be as slippery as a greased pig, adept at lying on national television to top government officials, skilled in deniable plausibility, and able to cover up for a dyslexic cowboy with drink problem and below average English.

Ideal candidate will be a cross between Yogi Berra and Ken Lay. Spanish speaker a real plus!

Apply within and ask for W, the unifier.”

Best wishes to the president in his effort to replace Karl Rove with a savvy figure whose own savvy does not over shadow the wit and wisdom of W himself!

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal

San Francisco Home to King and Queen of Corruption

By John W. Lillpop

With his prodigious home run in San Francisco on August 7, Barry Bonds became the most prolific slugger in major league baseball history going back more than 110 years.

However, because the surly 43-year old used performance-enhancing steroids during his banner years, Bonds is also accurately known as the King of Corruption, at least to fans other than those in San Francisco.

In a post-game propaganda dance with the media after his 756th homer, Bonds was asked if the fact that his newly minted record is “tainted” makes it less valuable.

Bonds replied testily, “This record is not tainted. Not at all.”

Right on, Barryoids!

How then does one explain why Peter Macgowan, managing general partner of the San Francisco Giants, was not on hand in San Diego last Saturday night when Bonds smashed homer 755?

Perhaps Macgowan was just too busy to even call his aging superstar with wishes of congratulations? Or maybe the toll call between San Francisco and San Diego was an excess that the Giants could simply not afford, especially in tight budget times brought on by paying Bonds $18 million in 2007?

And how does one explain Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig being a “no show” at the historic event? Hint: “Other, more pressing commitments,” is not a believable answer.

Finally, an explanation is needed as to why Bonds’ personal trainer and “friend” Greg Anderson sits in jail while Bonds blithely trashes the integrity of the greatest sport known to man.

Anderson, it will be remembered, plead guilty to conspiracy to distribute steroids and to money laundering in 2005. Anderson’s current stint in jail is the result of refusing to testify before a federal grand jury that is investigating the unlovable Barry Bonds for perjury.

Only liberal loons of the type occupying San Francisco would argue that there is no link between Greg Anderson, steroids, Barry Bonds, and the all time home run record.

Of course, San Francisco’s contribution to the world of sleaze is hardly limited to the world of sports. Does the name Nancy Pelosi ring a bell?

After the outrageous vote fraud perpetrated on the floor of the U.S. House on August 2, Speaker Pelosi should be regarded as the Queen of Fraud. Pelosi and her conniving liberal crooks openly stole a vote in order to give illegal aliens benefits to which they are not entitled.

Bonds and Pelosi: The King and Queen of Corruption, both proud patrons of the City that used to know how! AKA, San Francisco.

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal.

Special Prosecutor Needed To Clean Up Pelosi's Mess in U.S. House!

Is Ken Starr Available To Clean Up Mess Created By Nancy Pelosi?

With Democrats hunting witches in more than 300 investigations of George W. Bush, Dick Cheney and any other Republican to have stepped foot in the White House over the past six plus years, the most pressing and dangerous threat to our constitutional republic is all but being ignored.

I refer to events on the floor of the U.S. House last Thursday evening. During a vote on a GOP amendment that would deny housing assistance and food stamps to illegal aliens, Democrats in the U.S. House decided that coddling the Hispanic vote was more important than democratic principle and rule of law.

Just when it appeared that the GOP amendment had passed 215-213, leftist thugs in charge of the House quickly decided that fraud was the only way to allow illegal aliens to feast at the expense of American taxpayers.

Thus Rep. Michael R. McNulty (D-N.Y.) misused the speaker’s gavel and used other sleights of hand to manipulate the vote. Shortly thereafter, McNulty and other Democrat party leaders announced that the GOP amendment had failed.

100 Republican House members did the honorable thing that night by walking out of the House chambers to protest the malfeasance of the majority party.

Now it’s up to the Bush administration to appoint a Special Prosecutor to investigate what appears to be vote fraud by Democrats in the U.S. House.

Allowing Democrats to investigate themselves with the 2008 elections looming would be fool hearty at best, stupid at worst.

Unless doing so would violate the constitutionally mandated separation of powers, George Bush and Alberto Gonzales should appoint a Special Prosecutor without delay.

Nothing less than the integrity and future of our democracy is at stake.

Liberals Now Use Fraud on Floor Of U.S. House to Carry Water for Illegal Aliens!

By John W. Lillpop

Democrats have a long and storied history of using voter fraud to steal elections from the American people.

From the 1962 presidential election in which Mayor Richard Daley of Chicago miraculously brought deceased voters back to life long enough to vote for John F. Kennedy, to the illegal aliens that gifted Democrat Loretta Sanchez with a seat in the U.S. House Seat in 1996, fraud has been an essential weapon in the liberal bag of electoral tricks.

In fact, without voter fraud, Democrats would fail miserably in most elections. Which is why the party aggressively recruits votes from among the dead, non-citizens, and felons. The sinister admonition to “Vote Early and Often!” originated with Democrats who value political power more than democratic principle.

But under the leadership of Speaker Nancy Pelosi, the Democrat party has taken political corruption to a new low. The party now practices fraud on the floor of the U.S. House.

This chicanery came to light Thursday evening during a vote on a GOP amendment that would have banned housing assistance and food stamps for illegal aliens.

When it appeared that GOP amendment had passed 215-213, leftist thugs in charge of the House quickly decided that fraud was the only way to win the day.

Thus Rep. Michael R. McNulty (D-N.Y.) misused the speaker’s gavel and used other sleights of hand to manipulate the vote. Shortly thereafter, McNulty and other Democrat party leaders announced that the GOP amendment had failed.

Once again, liberals chose to advance the interests of illegal aliens over those of the American people, this time by using fraud on the floor of the U.S. House.

To their credit, about 100 Republican House members decided that the fascist tactics practiced by the majority were intolerable, so those members did the honorable thing by walking off the floor in protest.

While Nancy Pelosi is not known for her intellectual acumen or common sense, manipulating the vote on the floor of the House is unimaginably stupid, even for Pelosi. Such unprecedented stupidity and arrogance should cause Pelosi and her clan of outlaw liberals to be removed immediately from office and held accountable for criminal malfeasance.

Just how naive and shallow is Speaker Pelosi? Consider her comment about the voting incident in the House:

“They (Republicans) have just been deluged by the success of the Democrats on behalf of the American people,” Pelosi said, in charging Republicans with obstructionism.

Where in the world does Speaker Pelosi find “success” by the Democrats?

In a recent poll, the American people gave congress a 3% approval rating for their performance on the war in Iraq, and equally dismal ratings overall. In fact, the Democrat Congress has a lower approval rating than George W. Bush!

Is that what this muddle-brained leftist from San Francisco calls “success”?

Nancy Pelosi’s “new direction” for America: Thanks, but no thanks!

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal

Obama's "Diplomatic" Solution: Invade Pakistan!

By John W. Lillpop

In a bold move calibrated to reassure voters that he would be sufficiently strident to serve as America’s commander in the war on terror, Barack Obama announced that as president he might send U.S. troops into Pakistan to hunt down and destroy terrorists.

News:

This charismatic, clean, and articulate senator from Illinois showed his grit even further by putting Pakistani President Gen. Pervez Musharraf on notice that Pakistan risks an invasion by U.S. forces unless the nation cleans up it’s act.

Although Senator Obama declined to formally declare war against Pakistan at this time, he reaffirmed that all options remain on the table, pending the results of the 2008 elections and other bureaucratic distractions.

An Obama administration would be under enormous pressure from a Democratic Congress and mainstream media to do Pakistan “smart,” in order to avoid a historic blunder of the type that ensnared George Bush in Iraq.

Democrats being what they are, Obama might find it extremely difficult to translate his “tough talk” into military action on the ground in Pakistan.

Indeed, a Democratic Congress would insist on a mind-boggling series of checks and balances, balances and checks, and oversights while demanding answers to questions such as the following:

Contingency Planning:
What is the U.S. exit strategy?
What is the U.S. strategy for surrender and retreat?
What is the cost of the invasion and subsequent occupation in terms of equivalent years of health care insurance for children?

Impact on Global Warming:
What impact will this incursion into a foreign, Muslim nation have on the worldwide war on global warming?

Shared Sacrifice and Affirmative Action:
Will all Americans be called upon to sacrifice equally?
Will women, gays, lesbians, transgenders, the handicapped, and all racial minorities be appropriately represented on the ground in Pakistan?
What steps will be taken to assure that American Islamofascists functioning in sleeper cells are allowed to serve without discrimination?

Environmental Concerns:
Will this invasion disturb any existing ecosystems in Pakistan?
Will the invasion harm the endangered cross-eyed purple ditch worm found only in Pakistan?
Are “smart” bombs and other U.S. weapons free of asbestos, lead, anthrax and other agents that could stunt the growth of innocent Pakistani children?

Diplomacy, Diplomacy, Diplomacy!
Before being allowed to rush off to war, the Obama administration would be required to prove that all efforts at diplomacy have been exhausted.

Democratic fuss-budgets would be looking for concrete evidence that the Obama administration has engaged in talk, talk, talk, and more talk with President Gen. Pervez Musharraf, Taliban and Al-Quaeda leaders, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Russian President Vladamir Putin, and all other known enemies of America.

Coordination With Allies:
Those same Democratic fuss-budgets would demand to know if France, Japan, Germany, the UK, Australia and other U.S. Allies agree with the proposed invasion. They would also ask if alternative ideas were discussed and examined.

United Nations Approval:
Once the Obama proposal has been completed, the president would be required to submit the plan to the United Nations, and seek approval in the Security Council.

No bilateral military action by the United States could be taken without advance UN approval.

Congressional Approval:
Finally, after overcoming all other hurdles, Obama would be required to secure congressional approval from both chambers. Unfortunately for the president, both chambers are controlled by anti-war, anti-American liberals who instinctively oppose any military action that would advance the national interests of America and her three hundred million citizens.

Bottom Line:
Obama would be well advised to set his sights lower in order to exercise his invasion and war making powers.

For example, dispatching thousands of American troops to handle a nasty situation in Haiti or the Dominican Republic would receive immediate Congressional approval, provided there were no vital American interests involved.

Good luck, Obama!

And to Pakistan’s Pervez Musharraf, this advise: Do not fret, because the likelihood of Barack Obama being elected president of the United States is about the same as the U.S. Constitution being revised to allow George W. Bush to seek a third term in 2008!