Bonds and Zito: Barry, Barry Bad for the San Francisco Giants

barry01.jpg

The San Francisco Giants have played in San Francisco since 1958 and over that 50-year period, the team has never won a World Series championship.

In fact, there are more “conservative Republicans” in this liberal-infested city than “world champions.” One is still greater than zero, after all.

Peter McGowan, owner of the Giants, is a very successful local businessman who is dedicated to bringing a World Series Championship to The City.

He demonstrated his resolve to win with a couple of notable signings before the start of the 2007 season.

To begin with, McGowan signed Barry Bonds to a one-year, $18 million contract.

Bonds, it will be recalled, was once a perennial Triple Crown Threat, baseball parlance for a player with the ability to lead the league in batting average, runs batted in, and home runs.

However, Bonds is nearly 43 years old and is starting to act his age. The Triple Threat he represents these days are arthritis, uncontrolled drooling, and dementia.

Still, McGowan acted in good faith with Bonds and Giants fans by bringing the slugger back, hoping that Bonds would have enough left to drive the Giants to a World Series Crown while also surpassing Henry Aaron’s career home run record.

Having already shelled out $18 million for a 43-year-old with gimpy knees and attitude, McGowan shocked baseball when he signed left-handed starting pitcher Barry Zito to a whopping $126 million dollar contract covering a seven-year term.

Zito had been a superstar success story for McGowan’s cross- bay rivals the Oakland As, making the Zito catch all the more satisfying. Clearly, McGowan was going for the gold in what will probably be the last year for Barry Bonds, and the addition of Zito was seen as the clincher.

Unfortunately for McGowan and the Giants, the Barry boys are not exactly setting the world on fire. Barry Bonds is hitting well below .300, has just 14 home runs so far, and is no longer feared by opposing managers and hurlers.

Meanwhile, for the third consecutive game, Barry Zito was ineffective and now sports a non-spectacular 6-8 record, along with a bloated earn run average.

Failure by Barry and Barry are showing in the league standings as well: The Giants are now in sole possession of last place and are 11.5 games behind the division leaders. They have lost seven consecutive games, and are flying home to host the fearsome New York Yankees.

The San Francisco Giants record for consecutive losses stands at ten. That record looks to be under duress this weekend when the Bronx Bombers invade AT&T Park.

A personal note to Peter McGowan:

Peter, I know it must be driving you mad to shell out so much money for so little in return. Next you are in the market for someone to lose more games than he wins, give me a call.

I ain’t nearly as young or as pretty as Zito, but I will dam sure work for less than $126 million!

satire

Illegal Aliens Deserve "Respect?" For What?

jail.jpegIn one of his most nauseating arguments in favor of amnesty, President Bush has taken to arrogantly demanding “respect” for invading criminals.

According to Dubya, we are blessed to have 12-30 million illegal aliens here, and are wrong for treating the criminals like clones of the late Rodney Dangerfield.

Respect them for what, sir?

Consider the facts. Illegal aliens have:

* Invaded America by ignoring U.S. borders and immigration laws.

* Hampered homeland security and the ability of the federal government to detect and deal with potential terrorists.

* Murdered and or killed 25 Americans every day (on average).

* Plundered public services to which they are not entitled.

* Caused educators to “dumb down” class room studies in order to accommodate masses of non-English speakers.

* Forced U.S. hospitals and other medical facilities into bankruptcy, thereby making those facilities unavailable to U.S. citizens.

* Managed to send $30-50 billion a year back to Mexico each year, despite the fact that they cannot or will not pay for medical services received.

* Engaged in wholesale identity theft inflicting great harm to the credit and financial status of millions of innocent Americas.

* Depressed wages and the earning power of American citizens and their families.

* Invaded America for the express purpose of producing “anchor babies” to shield themselves from deportation.

* Refused to learn English.

* Taken over the streets of large U.S. cities in order to demand “rights”
to which they are not entitled.

* Waved the Mexican flag and shouted, “Yes, we can!” and “We are America!” in Spanish as they protest the rule of law.

* Turned May 5 into a day known for rampant public drunkenness and violence, rather than celebration of culture and heritage.

* Voted unlawfully in American elections.

And for this they are owed respect?

With all due respect, Mr. President, the only thing America owes any invading criminal is a solid kick in the posterior, a one-way trip back to Mexico, and a permanent ban to keep them from ever stepping foot in America again!

Talk Radio Outrage: Piolín's "Million Letter" Fraud

Satire

When Trent Lott unloaded on talk radio last week, everyone just assumed that the Mississippi malcontent was assaulting patriots like Rush Limbaugh, Michael Savage, and other luminaries willing to tell the truth about the scam that is immigration reform.

As it turns out, talk radio is a clear and present danger to our democracy, culture, language, and homeland security.

But the danger comes not from American icons like Limbaugh, but from a former illegal alien by the name of ‘Piolin.’

Escorted by thugs from the Mexican Mafia, posing as good hearted, hard working peasants, Piolin roared into Washington, D.C. and into the welcoming arms of inebriated dim wits like Teddy Kennedy who desperately wants amnesty to pass in order to keep the wages of cocktail waitresses and bartenders suppressed.

Spanish- speaking bar help will work for below minimum wage, without benefits, and they do not expect gratuities. These are vital considerations to a 70s something senator who spends most of his time in his cups rather than on the floor of the U.S. Senate.

Sometimes Teddy is in his cups and on the floor of the U.S. Senate at the same time. In fact, Breaking News is justified when Kennedy makes it through a full day cold sober!

But back to this character Piolin. After mixing several batches of cocktails for Teddy, this renegade delivered what were purported to be a million letters from people who support amnesty.

Two immediate problems surfaced with Piolin’s pile on. All of the missives were signed by illegal aliens and all were in Spanish!

Undeterred, Kennedy and his anti-American colleagues eagerly accepted several boxes of letters and pointed to them as proof that millions of people are on his side and support amnesty.

That certainly seemed impressive until the full extend of Piolin’s fraud was exposed: Most of the boxes supposedly containing proof of a swelling public sentiment in favor of amnesty were empty.

Flat empty, much like the head of Piolin and the gringo drunk from Massachusetts.

Still, some good did result from the Piolin fraud: It kept him off the air and out of California for a fortnight.

And that is a good thing!

Should W Consider Early Retirement? In Mexico?

Given W’s untreatable Mexican fetish, it may be prudent to simply shove him out of Air Force One, swaddled in a golden parachute, somewhere over Mexico City.

Remember, the man is nearly 61 years old, and is obviously growing weary and older by the minute.

And why shouldn’t he be burned out?

After all, actively helping millions of illiterate peasants to invade America is hard work that would wear anyone out!

Even more taxing: Trying to explain away that invasion as good for the U.S. economy and pretending that is in the national interest to grant amnesty and a path to citizenship for criminals.

Just keeping a straight face while delivering that snake oil pitch day after day would be enough to drive most people into mental meltdown and or breakdown.

Is that where our president and Mexico’s most powerful insider mole is headed?

Some of W’s recent pronouncements seem to confirm that his mental stability is “borderline” suspect:

In April, W declared that America needs amnesty to take pressure off the borders! 12-30 million illegal aliens in our midst and there is too much pressure on the borders?

In May, W said that the amnesty bill before the senate, S 1348, would restore rule of law.

In other words, W wants to restore rule of law by simply legalizing illegal behavior. Include amnesty and a path to citizenship and presto! the rule of law is restored.

Perhaps we should end the crime of armed bank robbery by simply erasing all laws that make it unlawful to rob banks?

It was also in May that W appointed a war czar to take over the messes he has created in Iraq and Afghanistan, as well as any other wars he might fancy between now and January 20, 2009.

While he was at it, one wonders why W did not appoint a border czar to shut down the borders and begin deportations? Or is that Michael Chertoff’s responsibility when he is not busy campaigning for amnesty?

In June, W declared that he will throw an extra $4.4 billion dollars at border security, if only the senate will reconsider S 1348.

This dilly begs the obvious question: If $4.4 billion will make America safer and is vital to homeland security, why has W not acted sooner?

Like on September 12, 2001 for instance?

Clearly, W is struggling to keep track of his missteps and outright lies. He seems to be losing that battle and needs a long, long, stress free vacation.

America and the American people also need a rest. We are BUSHed, to put it mildly.

And who honestly believes that America can survive another 18 months of the W presidency and legacy building enterprise?

Perhaps a few patriotic Republicans should visit the Oval Office and convince W to hang up his pilot’s helmet and take early retirement.

Offer him an attractive golden parachute package and a luxurious villa in Mexico, and W might just take the bait.

Dropping W on the Mexican side of the border would have other benefits:

Americans would exact a measure of revenge against Mexico for dumping millions of illegal aliens on the American side of the border.

And, America would have one less English-challenged amnesty proponent to worry about!

Bush Tells Conservatives to Shut Up, Urges Hispanics to Speak Up!

In the ongoing kerfuffel over illegal immigration, President Bush recently unloaded on conservatives for speaking out and acting up against the foolish amnesty bill S 1348.

Bush began his assault by accusing conservatives of not wanting what is best for America, and then ripped a page straight from the liberal game book by branding his opponents as racists.

Although this boorish behavior is a despicable outrage, it is actually a good sign because it is a clear indication that amnesty supporters are losing the war of ideas, and have nothing left with which to do battle except childish name calling.

Interestingly enough, while Bush was doing his utmost to discourage free speech from conservatives who hold views different from his own, the president was most anxious to assure that Hispanic voices were heard.

“There’s a lot of emotion on this issue, and it makes sense to have people from around the country come and sit down with members of Congress to talk rationally about the issue,” he told those attending the Hispanic Prayer Breakfast in Washington on June 15.

Times: http://washingtontimes.com/national/20070616-121122-4797r.htm

Especially those who just happen to agree with you on amnesty right Mr. President?

Status Quo Unacceptable, Mr. President?

By John W. Lillpop

When President Bush arrogantly declares that the “status quo is unacceptable,” with respect to immigration, he does so with such indignation that one almost forgets that the status is as it is because of the president’s own refusal to fulfill his constitutional obligations.

Lest we forget, it is this president who has refused to secure our borders, refused to enforce immigration laws, and refuses to even consider deporting millions of third-world illegal aliens who have flooded into America during his failed tenure.

Following the events of 9/11, one would have expected our “war on terror” president to seal the borders and to do everything humanly possible to prevent illegal crossings into America.

Instead, George W. Bush has foolishly resisted–not just ignored, but actively resisted! — any and all attempts to bring sanity to U.S. immigration policy.

And now, after nearly six years of mind-boggling incompetence bordering on treason, George W. Bush steps forward to complain that the system is broken and that the status quo is unacceptable?

An analogy is called for: The smoke alarm in your master bedroom goes off and the rest of your home quickly fills with smoke. Rather than calling 911 or the fire department, you decide to do nothing and, in fact, physically prevent your spouse and children from calling for help.

After one hour, your once beautiful luxury mansion has burned to the ground and you are left with 9,200 square feet of smoldering ruins.

At that point, you announce that the fire prevention system in your city is broken, and you belligerently advise the city that the status quo is unacceptable.

You conclude by demanding immediate and “comprehensive” reform of city fire policies.

Logic 101, and Fire Fighting for Dummies, according to Dubya!

Why, oh why, does this president resort to switch and bait tactics in his foolish attempts to ram a flawed amnesty scheme down the throats of the American public?

Why does he fail (or refuse) to see that America does not need “comprehensive” immigration reform, or non-comprehensive reform, for that matter.

Indeed:

Existing laws provide mechanisms for foreigners to apply for entry into the United States for the purpose of work, education, and the like.

Existing laws provide for people within or outside America to apply for U.S. citizenship.

Existing laws define U.S. borders and prescribe severe penalties for those who cross our borders illegally.

Existing laws authorize border patrol personnel to act in order to keep aliens from invading America.

Existing laws require employers to verify the “right to work” status of each job applicant. Employers who fail to do so are subject to severe criminal and monetary punishments.

Existing laws set forth procedures for apprehending and deporting illegal aliens.

Unfortunately for this president and like-minded opponents of common sense, existing regulations do not grant automatic legalization and a path to citizenship to every third-world peasant who decides to skip formalities by jumping a fence and heading north.

Existing laws are perfectly fine and will work well—provided they are enforced.

The federal government has had 20 years in which to enforce the Immigration Reform and Control Act of 1986. Instead of delivering reform and control, the government has saddled the American public with an additional 12-30 million illegal aliens, many of who have invaded America after 9/11, some of who are probably terrorists.

The problem is not with existing laws, rather it is with the refusal of our president and congress to enforce the law, as they have sworn under oath to do.

The last thing that America needs is a new 1,000- page law that grants amnesty to 12-30 million illegal aliens while codifying another batch of laws that the government will ignore and refuse to enforce.

The solution is?

Force this belligerent and out-of-touch president and congress to forsake their Mexican sponsors long enough to address the needs of the American people!

America don’t need no stinkin’ immigration reform!

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal.

Why America Needs President Hillary Clinton in 2008

Satire by John W. Lillpop

With the possible exception of blaspheming the Holy Ghost, the most egregious sin a conservative can commit is to knowingly express anything positive about the junior senator from New York, Ms. Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Or to be more precise and less politically correct, Mrs. William Jefferson Clinton.

However, egregious sin is actually my favorite summer pastime. So herewith, an endorsement of the unlovable Lady Clinton.

Mind you, I descend into Satan’s domain with eyes wide open, knowing that my license to practice hate mongering in the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy may be irreversibly revoked.

El Rushbo, Michael Savage, and Sean Hannity will no longer accept my collect calls.

But, alas, the pilgrim’s path in never easy.

Let’s face it, troops. George W. Bush is not Ronald Reagan, nor even George H. Bush for that matter.

A man claiming to be conservative has duped us.

He is a president who has presided over an unprecedented expansion of government and federal spending. Who has cavorted with the devil–AKA Teddy Kennedy–in No Child Left Behind; who speaks Spanish, but seems completely incapable of coherent English.

How can it possibly get worse?

In fact, assuming Republicans regain control of Congress, President Hillary Clinton could be a dramatic improvement.

You say what, Mr. Lillwhatever Pop?

For starters, conservatives would be emancipated from supporting a Republican-President-in-Name-Only (RPINO) who clearly regards fiscal responsibility and other basic conservative solutions as old hat, not cool.

Secondly, those wonderful conservative instincts that have served America so very well in the past would return to the GOP with a flourish if there were a President Hillary Clinton to battle with.

Consider the following:

How would a Republican Congress deal with a new entitlement program costing ten trillion dollars, if proposed by President Hillary Clinton?

Would a GOP Congress allow the national debt to grow wildly out of control, to the detriment of untold numbers of future generations, if a liberal Democrat were president?

What if Madam President refused to secure our borders in time of war, and had the gall to propose amnesty for 12-30 million illegal aliens?

Or what if she remained silent while the Mexican military escorted drug smugglers across the border into America?

What if President Hillary Clinton proposed to sell management of U.S. port security to an Arab nation with known links to terrorists?

Such situations emanating from a Hillary Clinton administration would rally Republicans to take immediate action, concerning themselves only with doing that which is in the best interests of the American people.

For those who may have lost sight of a simple truth, doing what is best for America means sticking to conservative values.
There would be other advantages as well.

President Hillary Clinton and Slick Willie might bring back some of that taxpayer-owned china and other booty pinched from the White House in late January, 2001.

Said booty would once again be on property owned by the people, until at least 2012 or 2016. That would be a good thing.

And with Slick Willie free to run wild in the Oval Office and adjoining back room again, there would surely be three or four sex scandals a year to investigate, providing unlimited blogging material for those of us who blog to the right (far?) of center.

Slick might even use all that sophisticated domestic spying apparatus at the White House to eavesdrop on lonely bimbos in Arkansas or Pakistan. He might even persuade Lady Clinton to do likewise, creating a perfect impeachable scenario for Republicans to adjudicate.

That would mean even more great blogging material for us right-wing nutcases.

All of which is why, as of this moment, I am almost convinced that a vote for Hillary is the most patriotic thing one can do in 2008!

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal.

Ship Them ALL Out, Including Anchor Brats !

John W. Lillpop

Illegal aliens who scheme to have anchor babies born in America just to avoid justice (through deportation) are among the most despicable criminals in our midst.

Only Democrat and RINO politicians are less honorable.

By callously manipulating infants for personal gain, illegal aliens clearly lack the moral values and judgment essential to being good Americans. Unless one is planning on becoming a RINO or Democrat politician, that is!

Moreover, the presence of anchor babies gives weak-minded knot heads who favor open borders and non-enforcement of immigration laws a lame excuse for doing nothing.

Again, infants are manipulated for political purposes by those who scream “We cannot split families,” when arguing against deportation.

However, that argument is embarrassingly specious.

To begin with, illegal aliens willfully abandon family when they leave their nation of origin, usually Mexico, in order to invade America!

Apparently, “Family” is trumped by dinero when deciding whether or not to jump a fence to pursue the mother lode, AKA free public services, in America!

Secondly, deportation decisions cannot be based on whether or not the offending criminal has a family.

Consider a parallel: Illegal aliens are like bank robbers–they steal property belonging to others.

However, when an American citizen is found guilty of robbing a bank, does the presiding judge decide against prison because of concern about separating the criminal from family?

Of course not!

Criminals are criminals, and should be dealt with according to the law, especially when it comes to illegal aliens.

Third: Who says that the illegal alien family has to be split?

For illegal aliens with children under 18, it should be mandatory that the entire family be deported!

In fact, because they are the most burdensome to American taxpayers, deporting such families should be the greatest priority of our federal government.

In other words, Pancho, get the hell out and take your moochachoo brats with you!

Finally, instead of trying to rip-off the government with demands for lavish air travel, Speaker Pelosi (God, that still sounds vile!) should work with other twinkies like Senator Harry Reid to close the anchor baby loophole with respect to children of illegal aliens.

But perhaps that is asking too much?

After all, folks like Pelosi see anchor babies as future voters. Democrat voters!

Open Letter to President Bush—Comprehensive Immigration Reform

June 14, 2007

President George W. Bush
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, D.C.

Dear President Bush,

Reports indicate that your administration has agreed to an “up front infusion” of $4.4 billion toward border security as a concession to win senate approval of S. 1348.

With all due respect, Mr. President, one wonders why this action was not taken a long time ago?

Indeed, if adding $4.4 billion is in the national interest and vital for homeland security today, why was this step not initiated on September 12, 2001?

The American people, including this proud American, remain very skeptical and angry over attempts at “Comprehensive Immigration Reform” which we see as amnesty.

Although one can quibble over the technical or legal definition of amnesty, there can be no doubt about how most Americans feel on this subject:

Any legislation that rewards those who have violated U.S. borders and immigration laws is wrong. Call it amnesty, guest worker, compassionate conservatism, or whatever you wish.

The fact is that rewarding illegal aliens will simply encourage additional millions of impoverished third-world aliens to invade America.

We have been through this before, Mr. President.

In 1986, America tried amnesty with passage of the Immigration Reform and Control Act of 1986. IRCA was enacted based on the promise that it would end illegal immigration once and for all. Unfortunately, the Act has never been enforced and has provided neither reform nor control.

As a result an additional 12-30 million aliens have entered America unlawfully since 1986.

Why?

Several years ago, congress approved additional agents for the border patrol, including appropriation of funds. Those positions were not filled.

Why?

In 2006, a border security fence was authorized by congress. That fence has not been built, although thousands of illegal aliens stream into America every day.

Why?

The original version of S. 1348 submitted by congress to your administration included a requirement that would have forced illegal aliens to pay back taxes. We understand that that provision has been removed from the bill at the behest of the administration.

Why? Particularly since the average American citizen with an outstanding tax obligation has his/her wages garnished and is otherwise hounded mercilessly by the IRS and its contractors.

In summary, and again with all due respect Mr. President, we simply do not believe that our elected representatives are acting in the best interests of the American people.

S. 1348 is an example of the obvious disconnect between the governed and the government on this vital issue.

Solving illegal immigration is not really complex. Given sufficient political will and a desire to defend America, the problem can be solved in a few simple steps:

* Secure U.S. borders with military force if need be.

* Enforce all existing immigration laws presently in effect, including IRCA.

* Systematically and intelligently begin the process of deporting those here illegally.

Until these basic steps have been implemented, I am demanding that my elected representatives refuse to support any legislation labeled as “comprehensive reform,” when said legislation is, is fact, amnesty.

I sincerely that you will reconsider your position on this issue before it is too late for America and the Republican party.

By the way, just for the record, I voted for you in the 2000 presidential election.
However, if S. 1348 or anything like it is signed into law, I will never again vote for any Republican candidate in any local, state, or federal election.

Sincerely,

John W. Lillpop
San Jose, California

Elitists Prefer Slave Labor Above All Else

By John W. Lillpop

George W. Bush, for reasons known only to his therapist and pet snake, is intent on destroying America. His number one objective appears to be importing enough illegal aliens so that America itself will decay into a third-world cesspool akin to Mexico.

Excepting a few stalwart patriots, the Bush plan to trash America has wide support from liberals who salivate at the prospect of 12-30 million new instant Democrats.

Profit-driven corporations with little or no concern for U.S. homeland security, sovereignty, rule of law, and preservation of American language and culture, are also eager to legalize millions of people who will work for below-minimum wage and without benefits.

Of course, elitists like Bush and Ted Kennedy and their cronies in big business can dismiss concerns about the “Mexicanization” of America because their families will be isolated from the devastation.

Elitists’ children will attend private schools free from the hordes of non-English speaking invaders who impede the instruction of real American students.

Learners in the Kennedy Klan will be exposed to foreign languages, but it will be optional and will more likely be French than guttural Spanish.

Elitists’ homes will be in upscale residential areas where invaders cut lawns and scrub toilets. Having served their elitist clients, invaders return to barrio slums and tiny apartments shared by multiple families.

The lawns of estates in the Bush neighborhood will not be cluttered with a half-dozen broken down cars, tended to by beer guzzling criminals screaming obscenities in Spanish.

Elitists’ churches and other places of worship will remain segregated by neighborhood and wealth. The only invaders Speaker Pelosi is likely to encounter at her place of worship are janitors who dust the pews and clean the baptismal font.

In other words, to out-of-touch elitists like George Bush, greedy business people, and Democrats, the deterioration of America will be virtually invisible.

However, for what remains of America’s middle and lower classes, the Mexicanization of America will mean an abrupt and bitter end to the American Dream.

Liberal spin-doctors will even try to sell the ruination of America as a good thing because, according to the socialist’s pledge of allegiance, “Diversity is our greatest strength!”

What hope is there if elitists in power cannot or will not understand the stupidity of open borders and amnesty?

Perhaps a graphic, but simple, analogy might help.

Let’s say you planned a grand birthday party to celebrate your daughter’s 10th birthday. Your daughter’s favorite treat is Dryer’s deluxe ice cream so you plan to serve that delicacy on the big day.

On the day of the party, a liberal nut case crashes the party and heads for the ice cream vat. The interloper decides that the ice cream, although the very finest in the entire world, is too plain and thus decides to “spice up” the eagerly anticipated dessert.

She does so by adding a several scoops of potting soil to the vat of rich and creamy Dryer’s ice cream.

In so doing, the liberal has achieved the highly-coveted socialist goal of “diversity.”

Unfortunately, she has also ruined a vat of priceless ice cream, and destroyed a dream day for a precocious ten-year old.

Elitists must not be allowed to ruin our great heritage and culture for cheap labor, cheap votes, or very costly socialist schemes that would end the American dream for hundreds of millions of citizens who deserve much better!